


I'm Barely Here

by Anonymous



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Blood, Character Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Fear, Final Fantasy VII Remake Spoilers, Happy Ending, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kidnapping, M/M, Memories, Mental Instability, Orgasm Denial, Pre-established relationship (Clack), Rape, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Revenge, Rough Sex, Semi Dark Zack, Semi dark Cloud, Sort Of, Stockholm Syndrome, Survivor Guilt, Zack Fair Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:21:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25583542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: In a shocking turn of events, Rufus beats Cloud up on the roof top when they fight.  Instead of killing him, he takes him captive, torturing him in more ways than Cloud can handle, breaking him, and building him back up into the mold of exactly what he wanted.  Six months later, he's rescued, and no one could have expected the outcome of the abuse he had endured.Zack also lives, and isn't too happy when he finds out that Cloud has fallen back into ShinRa's hands.(This story is very dark, please heed the warnings, as there are a lot of sensitive topics. Clack will be endgame, and the ending will be 'happy')
Relationships: Minor Reno/Cloud Strife, Minor Tseng/Cloud Strife, Rufus Shinra/Cloud Strife, Side Aerith Gainsborough/Tifa Lockhart - Relationship, Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 96
Kudos: 202
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Break me Down to Put me Back Together

**Author's Note:**

> This is a dark fic. Like really dark. Heed the tags! If it's listed, it'll happen. Zack/Cloud is endgame in this, and there will be a happy ending, despite how dark this will get. Zack lives in this, but it's a bit of a twist. You'll learn more about that next chapter!
> 
> I also got the idea for this fic from this:
> 
> https://twitter.com/cloudcloudcloud/status/1271077378102566912

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fic inspired by this [fanart](https://twitter.com/cloudcloudcloud/status/1271077378102566912)

"Hold him there. Yes. Like that." Cloud couldn't believe what was happening. Arms bound behind his back, forced by Tseng (who he quickly learned was the leader of the Turks) onto Rufus’ legs. He tried to pull away, eyes widening as he watched Rufus unbutton his pants and pull them down, just a little, to expose his half-hard cock. He slowly stroked himself, pushing himself into full hardness, pre-cum on the tip of his dick slowly dripping down.

"No!" Cloud struggled as best he could, still weak from whatever the hell they had injected him with right before he had passed out. Or maybe the drug was what made him passed out? He had no clue. He just wanted to get away. Worried for his friends, and whatever (and whoever) was left of them. 

"Shut him up." Rufus was panting, just a little as he eyed the blond in his lap. Anxious to get his cock buried deep inside of him.

Cloud struggled more, trying to pull away from Tseng, who was trying to gag him. Within seconds there was some sort of gag in his mouth, and he whimpered when Tseng placed him on Rufus' lap, holding his bound hands behind him. He undid the buttons and zipper, pulling his pants down past his hips. He maneuvered Cloud so the blond was straddling Rufus, his legs folded down and back.

"Push him down." Rufus demanded, and Cloud tried to struggle again, crying out, as best he could, when Tseng forced him down on Rufus' cock. Quick and hard.

It hurt. So much. He felt like passing out. Tseng held onto his hip with one hand, the other on his chest, making sure the blond couldn't struggle. Not that he had the energy to at the moment.

"Fuck. Cloud, you feel amazing." Rufus thrust his hips, testing out. Cloud stayed put, Tseng keeping him there, shoving him down to meet Rufus’ upward thrusts.

Cloud blinked a few times, try to clear his eyes of the tears that had gathered. The whole situation. It was intense. And it hurt. Having Rufus thrust up hard into him. It was almost unbearable.

"Oh look. He's crying." Rufus panted, thrusting his hips harder, relishing the tightness of Clouds body. Never had he fucked someone quite like this. All of his other lovers had been willing, wanting him. But Cloud? Despite being bound and held down, he still had some fire in his eyes, still had struggle in him.

Cloud whimpered, trying his best to get away. Under normal circumstances, he'd be able to just shove Tseng away. The man was nowhere near as strong as Reno had been. But Tseng wasn't budging. Just holding onto his hip and chest, his back flush against him. He leaned back a little, trying to get as far away from Rufus as possible, but as soon as he leaned his head against Tseng, the man grabbed him by the hair and shoved him forward and away.

Rufus reached up and wiped the tears off Clouds face, causing him to pull his face away, as best he could, given the position he was in. It was enough that he was currently being raped by the man. He didn't want to be touched like _that_. It was almost intimate. The soft touch on his face, wiping away his tears. He hated it.

"Were you a virgin before this?" Rufus questioned as he picked up the pace, moaning low as his dick was pumping in and out of Cloud, enjoying the extreme tightness of the other blond. He closed his eyes and leaned back, panting as Tseng forced Cloud to meet his thrusts. Perfect. This was perfect and he was pleased that he decided to take Cloud with him, instead of leaving him to die up on the rooftop.

Tseng knew what Rufus looked like when he was about to cum, and held Cloud down, the blond squirming and wincing as Rufus moaned deeply, releasing inside of him.

* * *

It happened every day for the next two weeks. Tseng would come for him in his small, dark, freezing cell. Cloud struggled every time, not willing to just give in. Anytime he could feel his strength returning, he’d be injected with a weird substance, making his limbs feel like jello. The effects lasted for a few hours and made him nauseous afterward. He’d be brought back to his cell after Rufus was done with him, and the day would start all over again.

They barely fed him. He only got one meal per day, which he stubbornly wouldn’t touch, only eating every other day, when he was starving. He still had his dignity and pride. He wasn’t going to let Rufus win. He’d get out. Somehow, he’d get out. 

He did wonder where Tifa was, and Aerith and Barret, and if they were okay. Were they worried about him? Did they think about him at all? Did they think he was dead? Were they going to come for him?

He worried about them, too. He’s known Tifa for so long, and Aerith was such a sweet and tough girl. And Barret had grown on him. Were they okay? And Wedge…did he make it out alive? Jessie and Biggs’ death was already weighing on him. He didn’t think he could handle another death.

Curling up on the cold floor he wrapped the thread bare blanket around him, trying to get warm, and sleep overtook him.

"Yo! Wake up blondie." Reno banged on the bars, watching as Cloud flinched underneath the thin blanket. Probably knew what was coming. How could he not? He went through this every day for the last two weeks, just with Tseng. 

"Hmm." Reno realized that all Cloud had for warmth was a thin, thread bare blanket. He also slept on the cold floor. The cell had a toilet and a sink but was otherwise empty. 

"Cloud? Let's go." Reno watched as Cloud turned and sat up, groaning in maybe pain? His shirt was oversized and dirty, exposing his neck, and the tons of bite makes scattered all over his neck and collarbone. Some looked bruised and if Reno looked close enough, he’d have noticed the dry blood scattered across his neck. There were dark circles underneath Cloud’s bloodshot eyes. Reno tried to look away, a small part of him felt some guilt, deep with his heart, buried away.

"Why are you here? Where's Tseng?" Cloud asked weakly. Sounded like his voice was strained. 

"I'll be taking charge over you now. Now get up, or I'll _make_ you." He taped the EMR on his shoulder as a warning. 

Cloud frowned. He preferred Tseng. Sure, he still hated him, but at least the man was fairly kind to him. After the first time, Tseng let him lean against his chest while Rufus was ramming into him. It provided at least a sliver of comfort. Sometimes Tseng would even pet his hair, like he was trying to sooth him.

Cloud already knew that Reno was cruel, just from the two interactions they had together in the past. What was happening with Rufus, was about to get a lot worse if Reno would be there.

Cloud stood up on shaky legs, pulling up the loose pants that had fallen down. He tried to ignore the look Reno was giving him and walked up to him. 

"Let's get this over with. Please?" Cloud sounded so desperate. And scared. 

* * *

Reno's eyes were wide as Cloud nuzzled his face into his lap, seemingly trying to get some sort of comfort. Although he had no clue how it helped Cloud. Not with the way Rufus was thrusting into him from behind. Grabbing onto his hips hard enough to leave bruises and break skin.

Cloud groaned in pain, trying to keep the tears from flowing. Even after a whole month of this, the pain and humiliation didn't go away. It always hurt. Every single time, Rufus found a new way to bring him pain.

A particular hard thrust made Cloud yell out, feeling a sudden wetness at his entrance. Blood. He knew it too well. Rufus never failed to make him bleed. Every day. Every single day.

"St..op. Please." He begged, trying to scoot closer to Reno, grabbing at his pants with his hands, bunching the material in his fists. The red head wasn't pushing him away, and Cloud was at least grateful for that.

"You know what you need to do." Rufus moaned shoving his dick in clouds abused entrance, reveling in the tightness, the blood making it easier to slide in. Even after a month of this, Cloud was just as tight as the first time. Rufus could definitely live with this. Oh, and he would. He just needed to push Cloud a little bit further.

"N…No!" Reno wanted so badly to comfort the blond. Seeing him in pain like this? It wasn't right. This was not what he signed up for. To hold someone down while Rufus raped them? No. This was new. Was he really that much of a tool, that he’d just sit back and watch?

Right now, it seemed so.

But Reno had to change that. He wasn’t a monster. 

Just worked for one.

Cloud was basically on auto pilot when Reno began the walk back to the cell. Blood staining the pants he was wearing. Reno felt a wave of guilt wash over him. Cloud has been dealing with this for a month. How was he able to stand it? How had he not broken down yet? Stubbornness, perhaps?

A week later, Reno was gently running his hands through Clouds hair, trying to sooth him. Rufus was being exceptionally rough today. Cloud was crying and begging. 

“Shh.” Reno whispered, looking up at Rufus, whose face was contorted in pure pleasure, he didn't even notice that Reno was trying to comfort Cloud. Not that Rufus would care, either way. He had even offered Reno to fuck Cloud if he wanted, but the red head declined, citing that he wasn’t in the mood. 

Really, it was because he wasn’t a damn rapist.

"Where are we going?" Cloud asked one day, almost two months in. Reno sighed in annoyance. The once strong-willed man that he had fought in Aerith’s church was breaking down. He wasn’t sure how much longer Cloud would survive like this. 

"I figured you'd want to bathe. Seems like you haven't been able to in a while now." The way Cloud looked up to him as soon as he offered a bath to him, it was almost as if he was granted his freedom.

"B…Bath?" Cloud stuttered, stopping in his tracks. The word seemed so foreign to him now.

"Yeah yo. You're filthy. And I'm sure you want to wash off..." He paused. The blood. All of the dried blood and semen that was caked onto his legs. He couldn't even say it.

"Right? Come on." He grabbed Cloud’s wrist, noticing how skinny his arm was, and hating how hard Cloud flinched, and led him into the bathroom that was down the hall from his cell.

Cloud sighed as he slipped into the hot water. It felt so good. It had been two weeks since he was able to clean himself. And even then, it was a freezing cold shower and he was really only able to take a few short minutes. This was pure bliss. 

Reno felt bad. He always felt bad. Cloud was literally being tortured, and he was helping with that. Was he really that much of a monster? He had always thought SOLDIERs were the monsters. Had he been wrong this whole time?

"Here. Let me help wash your hair." Reno grabbed the small cup that was sitting on the edge of the tub, filled it with water and poured it on Clouds head. He repeated it a few more times and then added shampoo, massaging the blond’s scalp. 

"Mmm." Cloud leaned into the touch. He hadn't felt such gentle touches in a long time. Every time he was touched, it was hard and rough. Cruel. The last person he expected kindness from was Reno, but he’d take it. Anything was better than Rufus’ cruel touch.

Reno almost gagged at the state of the water. So murky and tinted red. Why didn't Rufus just let the blond bathe? Surely, he wanted him to be clean.

"Alright. Come on." He held his hand out for Cloud to take. He watched as Cloud stood up, his eyes moving up and down Clouds body. He had fought Cloud before, remembered being close to him while fighting. Cloud was strong, fairly muscular, at least in his arms. But right now, he was so skinny. Looked like his muscle mass was deteriorating. 

He was also covered in bruises and cuts. Some looked like they were healing, some had scarred, and some were brand new. Still dark and purple.

Cloud stepped out of the bathtub. Shivering slightly, and Reno wrapped him in a towel. Grabbing another one to dry his hair. He ruffled up the blond’s hair with the other towel, almost laughing as the spikes reappeared. 

"Here. Some fresh clothes." Reno turned to give Cloud some privacy. Sure, he literally held onto the blond as Rufus fucked him, but the least he could do is let him dress in peace. After a few moments, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned around. 

"Alright. I'll take you back to your cell." He sighed and led Cloud down into the basement, down a different hallway, causing Cloud to look to him on confusion.

“Where…are you taking me?” Reno looked away; he couldn’t stand how broken Cloud sounded. His voice sounded so small and unassuming. 

"I uh, pulled some strings. Not like this is much better, but you'll at least have a bed, and a warmer blanket." Reno shrugged, opening the cell door. Cloud walked in and sat on the bed, playing with the blanket. He looked up at Reno, eyes sad. 

"Thank you." 


	2. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, so that's how Zack is still alive!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic inspired by this [fanart](https://twitter.com/cloudcloudcloud/status/1271077378102566912)

In the basement of the Leaf house was a small room. Used for medical emergencies, typically if someone had to be put into an induced coma, or if they were already in one. There was oxygen, IV’s, and any type of medical supplies they would ever need.

It was perfect, let’s say, for a comatose man with bullet sized scars littering his body.

He had been found up on a cliff, outside of Midgar about nine months ago. He was alive at the time, but just barely. He was rushed into the room, bullets removed from his body, and has been hooked up to machines ever since.

He was checked on every day. Fluids changed, bathed, and put into new clothing. The only sign that he was still in there, still fighting, were the small whimpers of ‘Cloud’ that would escape his lips every so often, about seven months in.

Those who took care of him were shocked when they heard Cloud’s name from this man’s lips. They knew who Cloud was; everyone did. But was it perhaps, the same Cloud that came from this man’s lips? He had been wearing a SOLDIERs uniform when they first found him, so it was very possible that this man did in fact, know Cloud.

But he never woke up. Never opened his eyes.

Until, one day, Biggs, who had survived the whole dropping of the plate ordeal, had been checking on him. 

“Time to change your IV now.” Biggs had stayed at Leaf House, to recover. Word had gotten out to the others that he was alive, and as soon as they could Tifa, Barret, Aerith and Red had visited him.

The first person Biggs had asked for, was Cloud. Since Cloud was the last person he had seen before he passed out, and Cloud wasn’t with the group that had come to visit him.

And he was met with tears.

Barret was the one who had filled him in on what happened. Aerith and Tifa were too distraught to be able to explain, and Red didn’t even know Biggs.

Taken by ShinRa. There had been announcements, all throughout Midgar. To cease any attacks, or Cloud would be slaughtered, live, for everyone to see.

They wanted to attack, wanted to murder Rufus, but as of right now, ShinRa had the upper hand, and they had to be more strategic in getting back at them. Cloud being top priority. He had gained quite a bit of loyalty from many of the residents of Midgar. A lot of people were crushed when they found out what had happened.

On top of that, no one knew _what_ Cloud was going through, or what Rufus was doing to him. 

It had been three months, now. They had no clue, no plan on how to get Cloud back. How to rescue him and attack ShinRa.

They needed a miracle.

“C…Cloud?” A groggy voice had said. Sounding a little clearer this time.

“No, I’m sorry. He’s not here. Maybe one day, right? We’ll get him back.” Biggs sad sadly. He was used to the man calling out to Cloud. It was all he ever said. Cloud had never really mentioned a friend, but then again, Cloud never got too personal. Not that Biggs took it offensively. So it was very possible that this man was a friend of Cloud’s. 

“Where is he?” The voice asked, sounded more confident.

“I’m sorry, but he’s-” Biggs eyes widened as he met the mako glowing eyes of the man who had been in a coma for nine long months.

* * *

The next two weeks nearly broke Reno. After everything he's had to do as a Turk, holding Cloud while Rufus fucked the life out of him was almost at his breaking point. Watching Cloud writhe and groan in pain. The tears. He felt so bad. And Cloud seemed to be cracking. Almost three months of this? Reno was surprised Cloud had lasted this long. 

"Untie his wrists." Rufus demanded; voice raspy from constant moaning. Reno's eyes widened, looking down at Cloud who was whimpering in pain. His hands bunched up against Reno’s thighs. Cloud had taken to getting as close as possible to Reno during these times. The red head wasn’t exactly sure how it soothed him, but he’d help in any way that he could.

"Are... You sure?" 

" Yeah. He's pretty docile now. I want to flip him and look into his eyes. " Reno reached down and undid the bindings. Clouds hands immediately reach up for Reno's shirt. Grabbing it tightly in his hands, trying to pull himself up and away from Reno.

"Flip him over." Rufus commanded.

"No!" Cloud grabbed onto Reno tighter. He'd rather not be facing Rufus. He hated it. Hated seeing his smug face. 

"Reno."

"No! Please no." Cloud begged. He sounded so desperate. 

Reno felt like throwing up as he grabbed Cloud by the hair, forcing him onto his back. Cloud struggled against him, clearly not wanting to be in this position. 

Reno shifted so He could move Cloud's arms around Rufus. When he moved away, Cloud immediately let his arms fall the side.

"Come now, Cloud. I'll have Reno tie your arms around me if you don't hold me.” Reno grabbed his arms again, forcing them around Rufus. He held them there for a moment and pulled away. This time, Cloud kept them there. 

"Beautiful." Rufus pushed Clouds legs up against his chest, thrusting in again, the blood making the slide a little easier. 

“Always so tight, Cloud. So amazing around my cock.” Rufus breathed into his neck, biting down on a particular spot, not caring that he drew blood, never caring that he was hurting Cloud. He pounded into him, groaning at the loss when he pulled out, but moaning in pleasure when he shoved himself back in.

Cloud screamed out in pain. Everything hurt so much. How much more was he going to be able to take? How much more was Rufus going to push him? 

Cloud closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out the pain. 

"Cloud you feel so good." Rufus thrust in, pounding, not caring that the man underneath him was in pain. Cloud dug his nails into Rufus back, trying to draw blood, trying to give back some of the pain. 

"Tell me you like it." 

"Wh.. What?" Cloud blinked the tears away, unable to believe what he was hearing.

"You heard me. Tell me you like it. Tell me how much you like my dick inside of you."

Cloud froze. No way. No way he'd do _that_. He still had some of his pride! 

“Tell me Cloud.”

“No!”

"Reno? Use your rod on him." Rufus said as he pulled out, starring at the blood that dripped out when he pulled his cock from Cloud’s body. Reno looked at him in shock. Not once has he had to do that. Cloud really was usually docile and just laid there. Cried, but let Rufus do what he wanted. Only because by now, he knew if he struggled, it would take longer. And Cloud wanted things to end as quickly as possible.

"But-" 

"Listen to me." Rufus pulled out of Cloud, watched as Reno reluctantly grabbed his EMR and shoved it against Clouds chest. Cloud turned to him, looking in his eyes, silently pleading. 

Reno mouthed "I'm sorry" and clicked the button. Cloud screamed, tried to pull away, but failed. After a few seconds, Reno switched it off, and Cloud fell to the ground on his side. He was shaking, twitching and panting, trying to push himself up. Failing miserably. 

"Well? Are you going to tell me how much you like when I fuck you?" Rufus asked..

"Fuck off asshole." Whatever fire Cloud had left was bundled all together and thrown at Rufus. 

After the third time of being hit with the EMR, Cloud passed out, refusing to give in. 

Things got more difficult after that. More painful. Rufus made Reno use the EMR more. Started kissing more aggressively, biting his lips, drawing blood. Cloud was so close to his breaking point. One push and Rufus knew he'd be able to finally break him. 

"Reno. Remember the two subjects that escaped from Hojo’s lab almost two years?" Rufus asked, stroking Cloud’s hair. He was currently passed out, curled up at Rufus’ side.

"Yeah?" he asked, but exactly sure where Rufus planned to go with it. 

"It was first class SOLDIER Zack Fair, and the other one was our precious Cloud."

"What?"

Rufus explained the situation, and how it seemed that Cloud had no recollection of what had happened. They also figured Zack to be left for dead, after he was gunned down.

"What's your plan?" 

"My plan? Trigger Cloud’s memories. Have him remember that he was never even a SOLDIER. Never able to even get in after failing three times. To have him feel the guilt that Zack Fair had died for him; only for him to be turned into my own personal sex slave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it! Zack is alive, but has been in a coma the whole time, and is now waking up! And as per the remake, Biggs is alive too. I wonder how Zack will react when he finds out Cloud is in the hands of ShinRa again.  
> Poor Cloud, things are only going to get worse if his memories are triggered.


	3. Can I be your Memory?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And in that moment, Cloud remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic inspired by this [fanart](https://twitter.com/cloudcloudcloud/status/1271077378102566912)

The moment the SOLDIER had opened his eyes and asked where Cloud was, Biggs knew he had to call the others. He had called for one of the teachers, and asked her to get Aerith, Tifa, Barret, and Red. If this man knew Cloud, and was also a SOLDIER, then this man could help them rescue Cloud. He’d be the one missing piece that they needed to get Cloud back.

Four months, Cloud had been gone, and there was no telling what was happening to him. They had an idea, because Rufus would drop clues, but it only made them all feel much, much worse.

“Where is he? Where’s Cloud?” He tried to sit up but failed miserably. After not having used any of his muscles in months, trying to move that quickly, and that much, was nearly impossible.

“Wait, hold on SOLDIER, don’t try to-”

“Ex-SOLDIER.” 

Had this been a much less serious scenario, Biggs would have laughed. Cloud would say that all the time. Weird that this man said it too. ShinRa must be just as bad as they thought (or worse) if they had numerous ex-SOLDIERs.

“Okay, ex-SOLDIER. Got a name?” Biggs asked.

“Zack. Zack Fair. Where’s Cloud?” Back to asking where Cloud was. Biggs sighed. Zack didn’t seem to care about anything else. Just about where Cloud was.

“Hello Zack. My name is Biggs. By Cloud, you do mean Cloud Strife, right Blond hair, mako blue eyes?” Zack’s eyes seemed to light up in excitement upon hearing Cloud’s name.

“Yes.” Zack perked up. “Do you know him? Is he here?”

“Yeah Zack. A lot of people know him.” Biggs felt guilty now. Zack had been calling out for Cloud for so long. And now he’d have to learn what happened? Poor guy. In a coma for nine months and now he had to learn about what happened to the only person he seemed to care about.

“Where is he? Is he okay? Can I see him?” Zack pleaded. Awake for ten minutes and he was already getting restless.

“Let’s wait until the others get here, okay? They were there. They can explain better.”

“Who’s they? What happened? Is Cloud okay?” Now he sounded desperate, saddened, even. Biggs felt guilty, not telling Zack about Cloud, but he knew it would be better for the others to explain to him. They were there. They would explain much better.

“Oh my gosh! Zack!” Biggs and Zack looked at the doorway, Aerith standing there, tears running down her face, shocked.

* * *

Rufus had given him all the information he had on Cloud.

The files were really detailed and made Reno wonder how they got all of the information. How he and Zack had suffered under Hojo for four years (Reno had to skip a lot of the experiments done on them, as it made him sick), and had escaped. Both were listed as killed in action, but Cloud’s file was scratched out and stamped missing.

Cloud had been a cadet in the ShinRa army, enlisted when he was 14, and had applied (and failed) for the SOLDIER exams three times(the max amount of times you could fail). He had gotten captured when he was sixteen(along with Zack), and was in a coma while they were on the run.

So that put him at age twenty when he got out, then a full year on the run. Twenty one. That meant five full years of Cloud’s life was just…gone.

Some other things that stuck out to him; he lived with his mother, who died when Nibleheim burned, he was never strong enough, which is why he failed the SOLDIER exams, and it was rumored that there was something going on between him and Zack Fair. The files listed that they were too close to be just friends.

Why was that even part of his file? Why did that matter?

He got to the end. The ShinRa army had caught up with them, tried to get Cloud back, but Zack fought them off, killed all the cadets that had attacked him. But at a price. Zack died, and that meant that Zack had died for Cloud. Wow. If Cloud’s memories were going to be trigged, Reno didn’t even think Cloud would make it. The stress would be too much on his already damaged mind.

On the bottom of the file, scribbled in faded pencil were the words ‘body never found’.

Hmm, well that was interesting.

* * *

Cloud was laying at his side, curled up. Sleep had failed him. His entire body ached, he probably had a sprained wrist from Rufus digging his fingers into it yesterday, and his mind was in overdrive. Four months. He’d been here for four whole months, and every day got worse. The pain, the abuse, the rape. He had bruises, teeth marks, and even fingernail marks littered across his skin. He was sure they’d scar because they were never cleaned properly. Rarely cleaned at all, really.

Cloud had always considered himself brave. Brave and able to take anything that was put in front of him.

But this? He was so close to his breaking point and didn’t know how much more he could take. Rufus had done the absolute worse he could, so that was it, right? It couldn’t possibly get any worse than this.

Oh how wrong he was.

* * *

“He looks terrible.” Tseng said. He hadn’t seen Cloud in months, since Reno took over what he had begun. He almost felt relieved when Reno took over. Tseng had only done it for two weeks, but it was the longest two weeks of his life. He felt worse holding Cloud while Rufus fucked him, than he did having Rude and Reno drop the plate on Sector 7. Seeing the pain in Clouds eyes, the fear and hatred was almost too much.

The way Cloud so desperately nuzzled into him while Rufus fucked him, Tseng couldn’t handle it. He just wanted to pull Cloud away every time and comfort him, stroke his hair and tell him everything would be okay.

He knew it was a lie, though. Especially with what Rufus was planning. Things really were about to get worse. He only hoped that Cloud would just give in to Rufus before his mind completely shattered beyond repair.

“Yeah, about to get worse.” Reno said as he shook Cloud by the shoulder. Cloud jumped awake, gasping in shock, frowning when he realized it was the morning and he was going to be brought to Rufus again.

He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes, his stomach growling in pain, begging him for food. How long had it been since he last ate? Cloud didn’t even remember.

“Cloud, when was the last time you ate?” Tseng asked, causing the blond to look over at him, just a little surprised. He hadn’t seen Tseng in months, he thinks? Cloud had lost his sense of time. And Reno was there too? Why did Rufus need the both of them?

“Wha’s going on?” Cloud asked, words slurred from sleep. He didn’t even know how long he was able to sleep but felt like it was very long.

“Come on, let’s go. Quicker we get there, the quicker it’ll be over. We’ll even give you a bath after. Sound good?”

Cloud never really put up a fight when Reno came to get him. Not really. It was more so that he was reluctant and scared. Slow to arise, and slow to walk, as if trying to stall. Reno would try to bribe him with food or a bath. Most of the time it worked.

“Okay.” Cloud stood up, wincing and groaning in pain as Reno grabbed him by the wrist and led him out.

* * *

He wasn’t tied up anymore, so he was able to grasp onto Reno when Rufus fucked him from behind.

“Cloud,” Rufus began, pulling out and flipping the blond, who was too shocked and didn’t have time to protest about the new position. Rufus pushed back in, moaning at the tight heat that cocooned his dick, and began thrusting, panting as he strained to talk. Cloud was so tight, even after four months, and Rufus _loved_ it.

“Did Zack ever get to fuck you like this?” Rufus asked looking into his eyes, and Cloud looked up at him, confused. Zack? Who was Zack?

“No,” Rufus whispered, leaning down close to Cloud’s ear, “I bet he never got the chance.” He bit into Cloud’s ear, causing the smaller blond to yell out in pain and pull away.

“Just me, right Cloud? Only I’ve touched you like this?” He leaned forward and kissed him, shoving his tongue into his mouth as he shoved his dick in deeper, causing Cloud to gasp in pain. He hated when Rufus kissed him. Really, he hated everything Rufus did to him. Seemed that Rufus only kissed him when something different was going to happen. Cloud could feel his stomach turn. What else could Rufus possibly do to him?

“How would Zack feel, knowing you were being fucked, daily, by the president of ShinRa? After he worked so hard to get you out?” Rufus gripped harshly onto Cloud’s hips, digging his nails

“S…stop!” Cloud moaned in pain as Rufus pushed in deep, wincing as the other man released inside of him. He was panting, thrusting his hips a little to ride out his orgasm. After a few moments, he let go of Cloud’s hips, who let himself fall flush against Reno’s lap.

“No? The name doesn’t trigger anything? Perhaps a picture? Or his file?” Rufus stood up, adjusting his pants and walked over to Tseng. Who had literally just been sitting there the whole time.

Cloud sat up, wincing when he felt Rufus’ cum slid out from him a little. Horrible, it was a horrible sensation and made him feel sick. He reached for his shirt and slipped it on. Then grabbed his pants and lifted his hips to slide them on. He learned from the past four months of this, that he couldn’t stand up right away. His legs felt like jello, he was sore, and blood and cum would slide down his legs. More times that not, he’d fall back down (though, Reno had caught him all the times he did). It wasn’t something he enjoyed, so he decided to stay put until he caught his breath and the pain faded a tiny bit.

“Here, Cloud. His file.” Rufus said softly, as if he hadn’t just been fucking the life out of him. As if they were friends or something. Rufus bent down and handed Cloud the file

It was a file on first class SOLDIER Zack Fair, including a picture of a handsome man with black hair and mako eyes. He was smiling, looked real happy. 

The file gave a lot of information. Where he came from, when he got into SOLDIER. The missions he had been on. More than one had been with…

Cadet Strife? Cadet? That made zero sense. Cloud was clearly a SOLDIER.

A whole lot of information on Nibleheim, and Sephiroth.

There was information on how they had been under Hojo’s _care_ for four years. Cloud knew Hojo. The creepy scientist. He never trusted him.

Zack had escaped with the comatose Cloud and were on the run for a full year before they were caught. ShinRa cadets found and attacked them.

Cloud gasped, wide-eyed as he made it to the end of the file.

How Zack had been killed, defending Cloud, and then Cloud had just disappeared. ShinRa hadn’t known where he had gone, until now.

Cloud was shaking, the papers slipping out from his fingers, scattering around the floor.

And in that moment, Cloud remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cloud. Things are about to get so much worse.  
> I'm glad people are enjoying this! I totally understand this isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea. It's rough, I get it. It's a lot of self indulgence for me. I would never judge people by what they like or do not like to read.  
> Anyway! I'm loving all of your comments and kudos, I really appreciate them. Let me know what you think about this chapter. Next chapter, Zack learns about what happened to Cloud, and how Cloud feels after remembering.


	4. The Choices we Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rufus still finds new ways to torture Cloud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic inspired by this [fanart](https://twitter.com/cloudcloudcloud/status/1271077378102566912)

"Aerith?" Zack didn't expect to see Aerith, of all people. And Tifa? Wasn't that the girl he met back in Nibleheim, Cloud's friend?

  
"I can't believe you're alive. We thought you died." She said as she sat on the edge of the bed. Her feelings for him long diminished, it had been over five years, after all. That, and she had Tifa now, the love of her life. Comfort in these difficult times.

  
"Aerith, I'm sorry I just disappeared. I was kidnapped, along with my friend Cloud, We-"

  
"Cloud?" Tifa spoke up, voice calm but laced with confusion. "You know who Cloud is?"

  
"Of course I do! He's my best friend, and I…I love him. Is he still in a coma? Where is he? Can I see him?"

  
"Zack," Aerith began, trying to figure out exactly how to breach the subject. "Why don't you start by telling us what happened?"

  
They all sat calmly, listening to Zack as he explained what happened to him and Cloud. It shocked them, what the two of them had gone through, made them hate ShinRa even more than they already did; which they didn't think was even possible.

  
"Wait, so you're telling me he was never even a SOLDIER?" Barret asked.

  
"Cloud? No, he wasn't. I put my old uniform on him when we escaped." Zack explained. They must have known where he was if they had known he had a SOLDIER uniform on.

  
"He," Tifa paused, taking a deep breath. "Never mentioned you. Not at all."

  
"What? No. That's impossible. Why wouldn't he mention me? I mean, I understand that he thought I was dead but…why wouldn't he mention me? WE were…he loved me."   
Aerith felt terrible. Zack seemed so broken apart now.

  
"Maybe he had amnesia or something? Didn't you say he was in a coma for a year? From Mako poisoning? Could have possibly been a side effect."

  
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right!" Zack said more to himself than to anyone else in the room.

  
"So, where is he? I'd love to see him! Maybe seeing me will trigger his memories or something?" As soon as Zack finished talking, his heart dropped seeing everyone's expressions. Sad, worried, hurt. What was wrong.

  
"What aren't you telling me?"

  
"I'm sorry Zack, but ShinRa has Cloud."

* * *

  
Tseng and Reno would never forget the look of pure anguish upon Cloud's face when his memories were triggered. The cry that came out of his mouth pierced through their souls and would haunt them for years to come. Regret. They had so much regret at that moment. And at that moment, they knew that somehow, they had to make things right.  
They just had to figure out how.

Tseng and Reno took turns after that. Changing each day as they took Cloud to Rufus. Cloud resisted. Every time. Something inside of him snapped, and he just couldn't handle it. He screamed, cried, begged, sobbed, and fought them. They had to start using mild sedatives at that point, to get him docile enough to bring him to Rufus.

  
Only a week later, and Reno was coming to get Cloud. Familiar dread in the pit of his stomach. He felt sick, knowing what Cloud was about to endure.

  
Sighing in shame, he took out the keys and opened the cell, gaze set upon the bed, which Cloud wasn't in. Looking up, he saw Cloud huddled in the corner, hugging his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth.

  
"Cloud?" Reno called out gently, slowly walking over to the blond. He knew now, from experience, what would happen if he startled him.

  
"No, no, no." Cloud was whispering to himself.

  
"Cloud? It's time to go." Cloud looked up slowly, eyes watery, dry tear stains on his cheeks.

  
"I…I can't," He sobbed, shaking his head before fisting his hair in his hands. "I can't. P…please Reno. I can't do this anymore. What did I do? Why is this happening to me?" Reno turned away. He couldn't handle the look on Cloud's face. So terrified, in so much pain.

  
"Give in, Cloud," Reno said, kneeling next to him, meeting Cloud's eyes.

  
"Give into him, and it'll be okay. You'll feel better."

  
"No. NO!" Cloud yelled, kicking out, trying to push Reno as far away as possible. 

  
Reno sighed. He hated it when Cloud acted like this. It was times like this that he'd not only have to be sedated but tied up. 

  
"Come on Cloud," Reno said as he held the blond against the wall. Had this been before Cloud was kidnapped, Reno knew that he'd be shoved back many feet. Cloud was stronger than him or was. Now? Now Cloud was a shadow of what he used to be. He lost so much weight and muscle. He couldn't fight back like he used to. 

  
Although he tried. 

  
Reno stuck Cloud's neck with the needle, plunging the drugs into his system. Within a moment, Cloud went slack and mostly silent. Just a few whimpers coming from him as Reno carried him to his destination.

* * *

  
  
"I bet he's watching from the lifestream, disgusted." Rufus gripped tightly onto his hips, pulling the blond forward as he impaled him on his cock. Cloud flinched every time he re-entered. Rufus made it a point to pull out every time, and thrust back in.

  
"Imagine how he's feeling? He gave up his life for you, and look what you've become?" Rufus panted, not even moving his own body. Just pulling Cloud to him. Closing his eyes when he felt Cloud tighten just a little against him.

  
"No, no," Cloud sobbed, head against Reno's thigh. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted it all to stop.

  
"Yes, Cloud. Zack died for you, and now you're a ShinRa whore. He wasted his life, don't you think? Maybe he should have just left your comatose body to wither away. Then he could have gone on living, not a care in the world." Rufus reached forward, fisting Cloud's hair tightly, and pulled him back. Rufus was up on his knee's Cloud's body up straight against him as he pounded into him.

  
"Zack would hate you, Cloud. He wouldn't want to touch you; he'd be so disgusted that you let this happen." He wrapped his arm around Cloud's waist, pulling him closer as he thrust into him, biting into Cloud's neck to quiet his moans as his thrusts got harsher. He briefly realized that he had bitten him hard enough to bleed, and probably bruise. But it would just add to the rest of the bruises littered across Cloud's body.

  
"Stop, stop! Please." Cloud whimpered, trying to pull himself away from Rufus. Everything the man was doing to him brought pain.

  
"Mmm, stop? Why would I stop? When you feel so good around my cock. This is what you're made for. I'm glad Zack died, Cloud. Or I never would have gotten you within my grasp. But I hope he's watching us with disgust and hatred." Rufus bit into his shoulder, fingernails digging into Cloud's hips as his orgasm was ripped from him, pushing in as deep as he could go as he released inside the other blond. He held onto Cloud for a few moments as he lets his heart even out.   
He shoved Cloud down onto the floor, watching as the blond crumbled down Reno catching him.  
"Go bathe him. I'm sick of seeing how much of a mess he is."  
  


* * *

  
Reno couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't take Cloud's sobs and cries. The way he pleaded for Rufus to stop. How he cried harder whenever Zack's name was mentioned.   
Though, Reno knew he had to keep going. Had to get Cloud to just give in to Rufus. After that, things would be so much easier. Easier to save him and bring him back home. Cloud would truly have to be broken and built back by Rufus, to have any chance at an escape.

  
"Maybe we'll cut your hair? It's getting long, especially in the back." Reno said. Talking to Cloud helped ease his mind, took his mind off what was going on. At least a little.  
Cloud didn't answer him anymore, kept his eyes trained at the wall ahead of him as Reno washed his hair. 

  
Cloud looked exhausted. Reno didn't understand how he hadn't given in already. Every day, for four months, Cloud was raped, tortured both mentally and physically. And now that Zack was in the picture, Rufus used that against him. Was making Cloud believe that Zack hated him. Which Reno knew wasn't the case. 

  
Even though Reno had only met Zack once, briefly, he knew Zack wasn't capable of such hate, especially towards Cloud, when it wasn't his fault. If anything, Zack would somehow blame himself.

  
Which made Reno wonder. 

  
Why hadn't they ever found his body?  
  


* * *

  
"You knew Zack, didn't you?" Rufus asked, watching as Tseng was leaving the room to retrieve Cloud.

  
"I did."

  
"Does Cloud know that?"

  
"Yes, we were all on a mission together once. When the two of them first met each other."

  
"That's perfect, Tseng. You can help me break him."

  
"What do you mean?"

  
"What I mean," He leaned forward, chin in his hand. "You can help convince him that Zack would hate him and be disgusted by him. When you bring him back to his cell, tell him that you knew Zack and that Zack would hate him. Reiterate what I've said to him. He'll break down in no time."

* * *

  
"Too bad Zack never knew what a tight fuck you are." Why Rufus needed Tseng and Reno around while he tortured Cloud, Tseng didn't understand. Between the drugs, the fear, and being bound, there was no chance in Cloud escaping. At this point, all Tseng did was run his hands through Cloud's hair while Rufus raped him. He had noticed that Cloud would lean into his touch, just a tiny bit. Anything Tseng could do to soothe the pain Cloud was feeling, he'd do it.

  
"How does it feel to have lived, just to come back where Zack died getting you away from? You much feel so guilty, Cloud. You are living and him dying for you, you useless slut." Cloud yelled out as Rufus grabbed the back of his neck, digging his fingers and racking them down Cloud's back.

  
"Stop! No! He loved me!" Cloud sobbed. Zack loved him. Said so himself, as they found comfort and love with one another in the lab. He had loved Zack the moment he met him and had only stopped because he forgot who he was. But now he was gone, and Cloud couldn't help but blame himself.

  
"Love? Do you really think he loves you? Hmm, maybe you should be begging for him not to hate you. Imagine dying for someone as pathetic as you are? How will Zack ever be able to rest in the lifestream, knowing how much of a failure you are?"

* * *

  
Tseng bathed Cloud, afterward, not caring that Reno had just given him one the day before. Rufus had been exceptionally rough. Cloud's back and neck were bleeding, and although Tseng didn't want to look, he knew there'd be blood running down Cloud's legs, too.

  
"Looks like Reno didn't do a good job cutting your hair," Tseng commented, scratching Cloud's scalp as he worked the shampoo into his hair. He knew Reno washed Cloud's hair yesterday, but he also knew Cloud enjoyed it, even though he didn't say anything.

  
Cloud's eyes were closed, leaning into the touch. Tseng couldn't help but feel guilty. How could he not? Despite what Avalanche had done, they were only acting in what they believed to be the right thing to do. Really, what would he have done, in their position? Maybe ShinRa wasn't all he thought it was. Maybe they were the bad ones in this situation. How could they not be, when the president was raping and psychologically torturing someone who had just been doing what he could to help others.

  
When Tseng brought Cloud back to his cell, he had noticed that the bed had fresh sheets and blankets. Most likely Reno's doing. Tseng helped Cloud to bed, sitting on the edge as Cloud tried to get comfortable. He felt the gentle touch of a hand on his sleeve, and he turned to look at Cloud, who was staring up at him, eyes tired, having lost all of their spark of life and hope that they once held.

  
"Yes?" Tseng asked. Cloud never reached out for him.

  
"Do…do you think Zack hates me?" Cloud's voice sounded so close to shattering. It was shaky and small, uncertain. When Tseng didn't answer, Cloud pressed on.

  
"You knew him. I remember. Would he hate me?" Cloud sounded like he was hoping, begging. Begging to be told 'no, Zack couldn't hate you'. Just a tiny answer that could put a small part of Cloud's mind at ease. 

  
Tseng knew it had a job to do. It wasn't something that he could get away from. Rufus, his boss, told him what to do when he brought Cloud back to his cell. Lie to him and tell him that Zack did in fact, hate him.

  
He knew Cloud would break completely if Tseng told him yes. One simple word and that would be it for Cloud. He'd be completely at Rufus' mercy, and Tseng wasn't sure Cloud would ever heal from that.

  
At this point, Tseng had a choice to make. To do his job, like the ever obedient Turk he was, and lie to Cloud.

  
Or have some sense of empathy and tell Cloud the truth.

  
He realized now, how Reno and Rude must have felt when they dropped the plate.

  
Now he had to make an even more difficult decision. He just hoped his choice was the correct one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Rufus is cruel! I can't imagine Cloud could take much more of this. So, I wonder what choice Tseng will make? What do you all think? Next chapter will be a ride, I tell you! You'll see Zack's reaction to Cloud being kidnapped by ShinRa, Tseng's choice, and some flashbacks of some sweet Zack/Cloud scenes.


	5. Giving up and Giving in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud can't handle it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short, only because I wanted to end it where I did!
> 
> Fic inspired by this [fanart](https://twitter.com/cloudcloudcloud/status/1271077378102566912)

_“Do you think we’ll ever get out of here?” Cloud’s voice was so low, scratchy and hoarse, most likely from all the screaming. Whatever they were doing to him, they didn’t use any sort of anesthesia, and he felt every prick, every cut, and every slice into his skin._

_“Yeah! We will, we definitely will. We’re not gonna live the rest of our lives as lab rats.” Zack said as he scoots over to the trembling blond, wrapping an arm around him to pull him close. Two years they’d been subject to all kinds of torture. It made him wonder if anyone was even looking for them. Sadly, maybe not Cloud, as he was an infantryman with no family or friends. But surely, they’d look for Zack, right? The only first class SOLDIER left? Then they’d find Cloud in the process._

_“What if we die here?” Cloud asked, not even sad, nor scared. At this point, it was what he was hoping for. Two years of nothing but torture. Cloud had given up after a month, realizing that no one was coming to get them._

_“We won’t. I’ll get us out, I promise! Then you and I can escape into Midgar, into the slums. They’ll never find us there.”_

_“Why Midgar?” Cloud shifted, wincing in pain as the large bruise on his side throbbed._

_“Just seems safe, you know? Maybe we can be mercenaries too. Wouldn’t that be fun? Helping people and getting paid for it? We can get a nice little apartment. Just you and I.”_

_“Like partners?” Cloud laid his head on Zack’s shoulder, trying his best not to succumb to sleep. He was exhausted, and his whole body hurt, but he wanted to be with Zack. There was never any way to know when he’d see him again. Sometimes they’d get separated for weeks at a time._

_“Yeah, in more ways than one, right?” Zack said as he kissed the top of his head._

_“You really mean it?” Cloud moved a little, lifting his head to look up at Zack._

_“Yeah I mean it. I love you Cloud; you know that.” Zack’s smile was so warm and kind. It almost made Cloud forget everything they had been through._

_“I love you too, Zack. Promise me we’ll both make it?”_

_“I promise, Cloud. We’ll make it out of here one day.”_

* * *

“What?” Reno had to hear that again, to make sure he was hearing correctly.

“If he gives in, it will make things a lot easier for us.”

“Are you kidding me? How’s it gonna be easier? Rufus will mold him into a submissive slave. How’s that easier? He’ll freak the fuck out if we tried to take him away.”

“What else do you suggest? I can’t keep doing this to him.”

“ _You_ can’t? I’ve been the one with him for a lot longer.”

“I know. I apologize Reno. We have to find some way to make this right.”

“Take over for a bit, there’s something I need to check out. Something that may be of use to us if it’s true.”

“What is it? Where are you going to go?”

“Gonna take a little trip into Midgar.”

* * *

“What do you mean,” Zack began, his voice laced with as much anger as a man who had been in a coma for nine months could have. “He’s _back_ with ShinRa?” He clenched his fists, tight as he could.

Barret explained, as the girls felt too guilty, Biggs wasn’t there, and Red felt just a little more attached to Cloud.

“Rufus? He’s the president now? That self-centered asshole? You mean to tell me he beat Cloud? How? Cloud was able to take down Sephiroth! I even watched him rip a sword out of his own chest. How could that spoiled asshole be able to beat him?”

“We don’t know Zack.” Tifa answered. She honestly still couldn’t believe that Rufus had beaten Cloud. She’d seen him fight and protect anyone near him. But to have Rufus beat him? There was something off about it.

“We can’t just sit here! We need to help him.” Zack said as he sat up, moving to get out of bed.

“Zack, no! You need to get your strength back. Or did you forget that you’ve been in a coma for nine months?”

“How can you all just sit around while ShinRa does who knows what to Cloud? What if Hojo has him again? We need to help him! You consider yourselves his friends, and you just let him be tortured?”

“Well, well, well. No wonder your file said your body wasn’t found. You’ve been here the entire time.”

All eyes moved to the door, to see Reno leaning up against the door frame, watching intentionally.

* * *

"You knew him, I remember. Would he hate me?" Cloud asked, voice hopeful, but so close to shattering.

Tseng didn’t know how to comprehend what he felt for Cloud. Pity was the first thing that came to mind, especially now, know what he went through with Hojo. His mind was so fucked, so tortured. He wanted so badly to save him, to bring him back home to his friends. He knew what he had to do; he just didn’t know if he could actually do it.

Poor Cloud Strife. All he wanted to do was become a SOLDIER, but he was thrown into something so much bigger than he was.

Tseng just wanted to pull him into his arms and tell him everything would be okay. Hold him close and wipe away his tears. But even he wasn’t sure if that was the truth. How would he ever be able to save him if he acted like this?

Tseng took a deep breath to reply to Cloud. He only hoped his plan would work.

“Yes, Cloud.”

“Wh…what?” Cloud’s voice cracked, unable to believe what Tseng was saying. Eyes wide in mental anguish.

“Yes, he’d hate you. He wouldn’t want anything to do with you. Especially if he was still alive. He wouldn’t want to get near you.”

“No! No, you’re lying!” Cloud shouted, pushing Tseng away weakly.

“I’m not. Rufus is right. He’s watching you with disgust. How humiliating it must be to be the survivor, only to get kidnapped again.”

* * *

Reno was right about Tseng taking over. The next day, he was no where to be found, and Tseng had no choice but to go gather Cloud.

“Cloud?” Said blond was in bed, curled up and sobbing, muttering something to himself.

“I’m sorry Zack. I’m so sorry. I love you, don’t hate me.” He was repeating it over and over again, body shaking with sobs.

“Cloud?” Tseng walked closer, hand on Cloud’s shoulder as he shook him, trying to snap him out of his trance.

“No! No! Please don’t make me go back. Please! I’ll do anything. He can’t watch anymore! Zack can’t watch.” Cloud curled into himself more. Trying to avoid Tseng’s touch. Tseng frowned, usually Cloud welcomed his touch.

“Come, Cloud, otherwise I need to sedate you.”

“No! I said no!” Cloud shoved him, the shock causing Tseng to fall back, landing on the floor. Cloud took the opportunity to jump out of bed, sprinting for the door that Tseng had left open. Tseng caught him in time, grabbing his ankle and knocking him down to the floor, crawling on top of him and stabbing him with a needle.

“No…” Cloud immediately ceased his fighting, going limp and quiet.

‘I’m sorry Cloud,’ Tseng thought, gathering the blond into his arms, ‘I’ll get you out of here, I promise.’

* * *

“Why’s he so quiet?” Rufus asked, grunting as he thrust into Cloud, gripping his hair to pull him up a little.

“He needed a stronger sedative. He was fighting me.”

“Hmm, Zack got you all bothered Cloud?” Rufus taunted, eyes lowering to where his dick was moving in and out of Cloud. His entrance was so red and bloody, and it looked like Cloud was trying to push him out.

“N…no.” Cloud whispered, trying to fight against him despite the drugs in his system holding him back.

“Yes. Zack hates you Cloud. Even Tseng said so. I guess you’ll spend the rest of your life having to deal with him watching you get fucked by President Rufus. Fine by me. Unless…” Rufus said, pulling Cloud up so he was sitting in his lap. Cloud whimpered at the sudden change in position, not liking how his body sank down onto Rufus’ cock.

“Tell me how much you love this, and it’ll all stop.” Rufus thrust up, noticing the drugs in Cloud’s system seemed to be going away. Cloud was a little more aware and able to move.

“No! S..stop!”

“Telling me to stop won’t keep Zack from stopping to watch you. Oh, he’s watching, disgusted. Imagine if he was still alive? He’d flinch if he even looked in your direction.”

Rufus taunted him, for the next few minutes, repeating the same thing, in different words. He enjoyed watching Cloud cry and scream in pain, enjoyed listening to him beg to stop.

“Tell me you love how it feels to get fucked by me, and it’ll all stop. Zack will give up too, won’t care to watch anymore. Give in Cloud. Just give in to me.”

Cloud panted, all he thought about now was Zack. How Zack would hate him, how he was disgusted right now, watching him. Maybe…maybe if he gave in, Zack would stop watching? Wouldn’t care enough to watch anymore.

“Give in, and your mind will be at ease. You’ll be mine, Cloud, and there would be no need for your mind to travel elsewhere.”

Pain. Agony. That’s all Cloud had felt in the last four and a half months. His mind and body couldn’t take it anymore. He just wanted to be at peace. He wanted to sleep and not spend his nights feeling guilty that he survived while Zack died. He didn’t want to think about how much Zack hated him, how he was watching from the lifestream, disgusted.

“I…I like it.” Cloud whimpered, closing his eyes as he felt Rufus moving faster inside of him. Cloud knew he was getting close.

“More, keep going.” Rufus panted, plunging inside of Cloud’s body.

“I like…” Cloud paused, groaning in pain as Rufus’ fingers tightened on his hips. “I like when you fuck me.”

“Good boy, Cloud.” Rufus said softly, pulling Cloud’s face to his, kissing him and moaning into his mouth as he released inside of him. Letting out a small sigh of relief. He let go of Cloud’s waist, and the man fell forward, burying his face in Rufus’ neck, whimpering in defeat.

“Please, make it stop.”

“It will Cloud, but one more thing.”

Rufus made sure to meet Cloud’s dead, dull eyes, enjoying the lack of life and fire in them that they once had.

“Call me master.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cloud. He's finally given in. Hmm, I wonder what'll happen to him now? Cruel of Tseng to lie to him, but he has his reasons. Hmm, and what's Reno up to?


	6. I'll stay with you, forevermore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud's new way of living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic inspired by this [fanart](https://twitter.com/cloudcloudcloud/status/1271077378102566912). I'm not even sure if the artist knows about this fic haha. But I still like to give credit since the art is amazing!

Reno had never seen people react so fast in his entire life. Weapons aimed at him and faces glaring at him, as if those looks alone could kill him. Zack was sitting up on the bed, starring at everyone in shock. That had all reacted so fast, he could barely keep up.

“Why the fuck are you here?” Barret’s gruff voice asked, ready to kill Reno.

“Where’s Cloud?” Red growled.

“Lower your weapons and I’ll tell ya.” Reno was already holding his hands up in surrender, his EMR at his belt. He was trying to be as non-threatening as possible. Didn’t seem to be working well.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, I want to help Cloud, and I’m sure you all do too, right? Let me explain myself.”

After a lot of convincing, mainly from Zack begging the others to let Reno talk, the red-head explained, in detail, what had been happening to Cloud the last four and a half months. Halfway through the conversation, Aerith walked out in tears, Tifa close behind. They were tough, prided themselves on being able to hold their own, but hearing what had happened to Cloud; they couldn’t handle it.

Even Red and Barret were holding back their emotions. Zack was quiet the whole time, just watching.

Even Reno had a hard time explaining what was going on. But he just kept one thing secret. Held one thing back.

He didn’t tell them how Rufus used Zack to finally break Cloud. He couldn’t, not with Zack’s sad eyes boring into his own. Reno prided himself on being stoic when he had to, but when it came to anything to do with Cloud, the blond made him feel weak.

“How can we help him?” Zack was the first one to break the silence. Voice low, wavering, like he was holding back any and all emotions from bubbling over.

“We need to wait until Rufus goes away for a bit. Right now, blondie is too attached to him. We need more than one day to free him.”

“And when will that be?” Barret asked.

“I’m not sure. I’ll keep in contact. Tseng too. One of us will let you know as soon as we find out.”

“And how the fuck are we supposed to just believe you?”

“Do you have any other choice?” Reno retaliated.

“You could be leading us on? Trying to trap us?”

Reno was getting annoyed now. All he wanted to do was help Cloud. But he couldn’t blame them for being apprehensive about the whole situation.

“I trust you.” Zack interrupted. “Please just…help us get Cloud back.”

* * *

“Give him a bath and bring him to my room to let him rest. He’ll be staying there from now on.” Rufus told Tseng. Cloud was still in his lap, docile and calm, leaning against Rufus’ chest. He made a small whimper when Tseng pulled him to his feet, legs shaking when he felt blood and cum trickle down his legs. He grabbed Cloud’s pants and helped him into them, just so the poor man wouldn’t be walking naked through the halls. Not that they ever ran into anyone, but Cloud deserved some dignity.

Cloud leaned back in the tub, completely quiet, not making any movements. It seemed different than any other time. Cloud seemed more calm, relaxed. Not happy, but at least slightly content.

“It’ll be okay Cloud. I promise. Reno and I will help you. Just give us some time.”

* * *

He felt weird, being in Rufus’ room, in his bed. The room was simple enough but compared to where Cloud had been sleeping in the past four and a half months, it was pure luxury. Tseng had given him silk pajamas to wear, and then left him alone. Unsure of what else to do, Cloud sunk into the bed, sleep consuming him within minutes.

When Rufus was done for the day, around 6, he made his way back to his room as fast as he could, enjoying the site of Cloud in his bed. This is what he wanted from the moment he laid eyes on Cloud. Rufus loved anything that was pretty. And Cloud Strife was definitely pretty. He knew he had to have the other blond for himself. He just didn’t think it would have taken this long.

He sat on the bed and shook Cloud awake, wanting the other blond to be awake and aware. He watched as Cloud opened his pretty eyes, looking up. He gasped and sat up quickly.

“I’m…I’m sorry, I fell asleep.” Cloud apologized, suddenly terrified of being in Rufus’ presence. He had never been alone with the other man before. Tseng and Reno were always there with him, giving him some form of comfort.

Rufus reached forward and grabbed Cloud’s chin, tilting it upwards. Cloud tried his hardest not to flinch when Rufus reached out to him, but after four and a half months of brutal rape and mind fuckery, it was difficult not to.

“You needn’t be afraid Cloud. Very soon you’ll learn to welcome my touch.”

* * *

The first few days were difficult for Cloud. He wasn’t sure when to speak up or when to be quiet. It was all so new to him. He would wake up in the morning, and go with Rufus to his office, sitting off to the side, quiet and unnoticeable. After the first day, Rufus gave him some books to read, which Cloud was grateful for. Sitting there for almost nine hours with nothing to do was extremely boring and made his mind wander places he didn’t want it to go.

Calling Rufus master came easily enough. Just a quick name change, and Rufus didn’t speak bad to him when he did that. Cloud made sure to never let Rufus’ name slip from his lips. Even when speaking to others, he referred to Rufus as ‘master’. He noticed it made Reno and Tseng flinch, but he ignored it.

At night, Rufus would want him for other things. Sex. Every night, even though Cloud hated it. He hated the feeling of Rufus being inside of him. Cloud hated sex. It was still painful and uncomfortable. Rufus wasn’t nearly as rough as he was before, and he didn’t bleed anymore, but it was still so awful. Sometimes his eyes would lock with Rufus when the other man came, and Cloud would wonder if he himself would ever even experience such pleasure. The way Rufus’ eyes lit up; it was intense.

“Is…is it ever going to feel good for me?” He asked, squirming a little when Rufus pulled out, moving to his side.

“Hmm, no Cloud. Bottoming doesn’t feel good. Men just do it to make their partner happy. And you want to make me happy, right?”

“Y…yes master. Of course.”

* * *

For the next month, Cloud felt better. No more rough sex (although he still hated having sex with Rufus, it still _hurt_ ), no more mental anguish or psychological torture, no beatings, no talk of Zack. Cloud behaved and did what he was told (which honestly wasn’t even much), called him Master just as he requested. Followed him wherever he went, ate and showered with him. Cloud barely talked to anyone else, Rufus did all that for him. Really, Cloud had it a lot easier now, and settled into his new life quickly.

But one night, Cloud had a dream.

“Mm, no Zack, please.” Cloud whimpered in his sleep and was jolted awake violently when he was shoved harshly onto the floor.

“Wh…what?” He blinked a few times, wondering why he was suddenly on the floor.

“You want to bring up his name? You can sleep on the floor.” Rufus all but growled at him.

“But…it was a dream. I can’t help it.”

“I don’t care. Stay there.” Cloud frowned; Rufus sounded so angry.

“I’m sorry, please don’t be angry with me master.”

“Prove it, stay down there for the night.”

* * *

“You like this, right Cloud?” Rufus asked as he pushed in, causing Cloud to wince in pain. Rufus gave him a few moments to adjust before picking up the pace in his thrusts.

“Y…yes master. I like making you feel good.” Cloud tried not to listen to how his voice sounded, just tried to concentrate on his breathing. It helped him block out the pain.

“Good boy, Cloud. You’re such a good boy.” Rufus panted, releasing inside of Cloud with a moan. This was perfect. He had Cloud where he wanted him, and now the blond was behaving.

“Hold me?” Cloud asked, moments later.

“No, you get too warm, move over to your own side.”

Cloud frowned. He was beginning to feel touch-starved. Sure, he hated sex, but he still wanted to be touched after, to be held and kissed. That wasn’t asking for a lot, right?

A few days later, Rufus needed to leave for a meeting, annoyed that he wouldn’t have Cloud for an entire night, he was overly rough with the other blond. He knew he was hurting him more than usually, but also didn’t care. 

“I’ll only be gone for one night, make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.” Rufus said as he grabbed a small bag , seemingly with some overnight items.

“Did you tell him you were leaving?” Tseng asked

“No, he’s still asleep.”

“You do realize he’s probably going to freak out a little, right?”

“Well, deal with him then.”

Tseng sighed. He used to follow Rufus so blindly. Now? He hated him. And Cloud? Poor Cloud. Tseng had thought Cloud giving in would have made it easier. If anything, it was going to be more difficult to get Cloud away. The blond followed Rufus around all the time and freaked out if he didn’t know where he was. Tseng and Reno would have to wait until Rufus was gone for a longer period of time to get Cloud rescued.

Tseng opened the door to Rufus’ (and Clouds) room slowly, frowning when he saw Cloud curled up on his side. Even in his sleep it looked like he was in pain, brow furrowed. Sure, Rufus didn’t torture him mentally anymore, and only did so when Cloud ‘misbehaved’ but even that was rare.

“Cloud?” Tseng started, sitting on the edge of the and shaking Cloud awake.

“M…master?” Tseng winced at the word. Among everything else, it disgusted him that Rufus made Cloud call him that.

“No, Cloud. It’s just me. Are you okay?”

“I…I’m just sore. Master was rough last night, and I don’t know why. I don’t think I did anything to make him mad. I think I’m bleeding.” Cloud said, turning away. Tseng lifted the sheets. Yeah. There was blood. Rufus hadn’t been that rough since before Cloud had given in.

“Why don’t we go take a bath?” Tseng offered. That always made Cloud feel better.

“Where’s master?”

“He had a meeting to go to. He’ll be back tomorrow.”

“T…tomorrow? He left me alone?” Cloud’s eyes widened, breathing a little harshly.

“No, I’ll be here with you. I won’t leave you alone. Now, come on.”

“But…he’s not here. Did I do something wrong? Is he angry with me?”

“No Cloud. He just had a meeting. I’ll keep you company, so you won’t be lonely.”

Really, if Rufus found out that he had gotten into the bathtub with Cloud, he’d surely punish Cloud for it. But he couldn’t help it, the way Cloud pleaded with him? He couldn’t say no to him. So now here they were, in this huge, hot bath, Cloud’s back to his chest. It was comfortable though. Cloud fit nicely against him.

“Feeling any better?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.” Cloud replied, leaning further back, lying his head on Tseng’s shoulder.

Tseng spent the day with him, taking Cloud outside; to which he found out Cloud hadn’t left the building since he was captured. Despite Cloud’s docile demeanor, he enjoyed spending the day with him, and found himself back in Cloud’s room when it was time for bed.

“Will you stay with me?” Cloud asked, reluctant, and not meeting Tseng’s eyes.

“Sure.” Tseng should have said no, but just couldn’t do it.

“Thanks.” Cloud walked over to the dresser, stripping his clothes without so much of a glance to Tseng, and changed into his pajama’s, before returning to the bed and crawling in.

Tseng waited a moment, before stripping down to his boxers and climbing into bed, pulling Cloud close to him. The blond gasped in shock, and Tseng went to pull away, but Cloud buried his head in Tseng’s chest, enjoying the touch and the closeness that he had craved so badly.

The last thing Tseng ever wanted to do was fall for Cloud. He knew doing so would make it even harder to say goodbye.

* * *

“Do you love me, Cloud?” Rufus asked as he let Cloud cuddle into him, one of the rare times he did.

“Yes, I love you. You won’t leave me again, will you?”

“Sometimes I may have to, duty calls. But I promise I’ll always come back to you.”

“Okay.” Cloud replied, sounding sad, but relieved.

“And I love you too, my pretty Cloud.” Rufus replied, playing with Cloud’s hair, scratching his scalp, something he recently learned that Cloud enjoyed.

Upon hearing the words ‘I love you too’ Cloud perked up, hugging Rufus tightly.

“I’ll stay with you too, forever.”

* * *

“I have a business trip I need to go on in two weeks.”

“And?” Reno replied. He was sick of even hearing Rufus’ voice. He tried to avoid him at all costs, which made it difficult, because Reno still wanted to see Cloud. Still wanted to rescue him.

“And,” Rufus continued. “I’ll be gone for a week.”

“Wait, are you fuckin’ serious? You’re just gonna leave Cloud like that? He freaked out when you left for a day! He’s going to freak out even more if you’re gone for an entire week.”

“And that’s why I’m not going to tell him. He’ll wake up and you can tell him.”

Reno hated how cold Rufus was to Cloud, yet Strife seemed to be in love with Rufus, how and why, Reno would never know. Probably had something to do with all the torture he endured. He also knew Cloud was going to freak out waking up again without Rufus. But all the better for him and Tseng. They’d finally be able to use this opportunity to save Cloud.

* * *

“Look who decided to finally show up again. Turk scum.” Reno resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He really hated Barret, more than anyone else in Avalanche.

“Please tell me you came with some good news?” Poor Aerith, she always sounded so worried. Couldn’t blame her.

“I do. Can you get the others?” Reno asked. It’d be easier to explain what was going to happen if everyone else was around.

Within moments, everyone had gathered. Including Zack, who was up and walking. He seemed a lot better than when Reno had seen him almost two months ago.

“Be quick, Reno. You’re getting on my last nerve.”

“Rufus is going away in two weeks, for a meeting. And that’ll be the perfect time to come and get Cloud.”

“Yeah? I can finally see him again.”

“Hold on there, lover boy.” Reno had told them everything that went on with Cloud, except that Rufus used Zack against him. And now he felt awful. He knew it would be bad for Cloud to see Zack right away. Especially since he’d be torn up being away from Rufus.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“There’s one thing I haven’t told you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the rescue, but that's not the end of the angst. Nope, it's only beginning. Now that Rufus fucked with Cloud's head, Cloud is going to freak out a bit when he's taken away.
> 
> And oof, Zack isn't going to be too happy to know that he was used to be Cloud's final breaking point.
> 
> FYI the minor Tseng/Cloud and minor Reno/Cloud are more like unrequited love on Tseng and Reno's part, so I'm not sure if I should take down those tags? There will be a few more scenes between them that'll show more of it.


	7. Tell me that I'm Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding and escaping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here be some scenes between Tseng/Cloud and Reno/Cloud.

Zack couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He thought everything Rufus had done to Cloud was the worst that could happen. But now he finds out that Rufus used him against Cloud? To break him down?

“Zack, are you okay?” Aerith’s soft voice pulled him from his thoughts. No. No, he wasn’t okay. He felt sick. What was Cloud going to do when they were finally reunited? Would Cloud ever be able to look at him the same again?

“I-” Zack swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt tears at his eyes. “I want to be alone.”

“Listen, Zack-” Reno began to say. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say.

“Please, just leave me alone for now.”

“Let me finish.” Reno replied. Zack had to know. When Zack stayed silent, Reno took it as a silent hint to continue.

“Cloud loves you, alright? The way he reacted, I’m never going to forget his scream, his tears. He called out for you every night. Cried for you. He talked to himself a lot. Apologizing, and saying he loves you. Saying he’s sorry that you died for him.”

“He’s going to be terrified he see’s me. Won’t he still believe everything that Rufus said?”

“Yeah. He probably will. Maybe give him a few days after he’s saved before you show yourself. He’s not going to be back to himself for a long time.” Reno looked at the rest of the people in the room, continuing.

“This isn’t just saving him and bringing him here. His healing process is going to take a long time, and you all need to be patient with him, as frustrating as he may be at times.”

“Come on, don’t say that he’s frustrating.” Biggs spoke up.

“I’m not sayin’ that. I’m sayin’ _you’ll_ be frustrated. And you just need to be patient with him. Treat him well, speak to him calmly. It’ll take time, but one day, he’ll be back.”

“Is there anything else we should know?”

“Yeah. As bad as you think he’s going to be, he’s going to be a whole lot worse. Just remember that, and don’t get frustrated with him.” Reno said. Honestly, he didn’t think they realized how broken apart Cloud was going to be when he was saved.

“Stop telling us we’re gonna be frustrated with him. He’s our friend, we want to do whatever we can to help him.” Tifa said, getting a little angry. She was getting tired of Reno accusing them of getting frustrated with Cloud, even before he was here.

“Does he flinch when he’s touched?” Biggs asked, trying to cool down Tifa a little. He knew that was a common reaction after going through something Cloud had gone through for 6 months.

“He doesn’t flinch when me and Tseng touch him. But we’ve also comforted him for months. Can’t say about anyone else. I guess we’ll see.”

* * *

Cloud was happy. Or as happy as he could be, given the situation. Rufus touched him, gave him gentle caresses, and cuddled with him at night. It was everything Cloud had wanted, and now he was content. Really, he wished he had given in months ago. His life would have been so much easier. So much less pain.

Currently, he was lounging on the couch in Rufus’ office, reading a new book. He went through books so quickly now, due to having to sit around for about 9 hours a day. Rufus always got him some new ones, though, as soon as he finished his current ones.

“Cloud,” Rufus called out catching Cloud’s attention immediately. He loved it. Loved the way Cloud was so dedicated to him now. “I have a meeting in a few minutes with the board, I’m going to have Reno come gather you.”

“What?” Cloud sat up, concerned, eyes wide in fear. He hated being away from Rufus. He was so used to being in the man’s presence pretty much 24/7. Even if Rufus didn’t pay attention to him when he was working, Cloud was content being nearby.

“Calm down, it’s just for a little while.” Rufus _acted_ annoyed, sure, but in reality he loved how he had Cloud wrapped around his finger.

“Can’t I stay with you? I’ll stay quiet.”

Rufus sighed. Yeah, he wanted Cloud with him all the time, enjoyed his company, but he also didn’t want him around the board. He didn’t trust them.

“No, Cloud. Its only for a few hours. We’ll be back together in our bedroom soon enough.”

“Okay.” Cloud replied, eyes downcast in defeat. No use in fighting Rufus. If the man didn’t want him around, he’d have to deal with it for now.

* * *

Reno was overjoyed when he went to pick Cloud up, even though the blond seemed down. Well, maybe that was the wrong word for what Cloud was feeling. Devastated, maybe? Sad?

“Wanna go to the garden?” Reno asked. Maybe being outside surrounded by pretty flowers would ease Cloud’s mind a little.

“Garden?”

“Yeah, it’s outside the building. Didn’t Tseng take you there? I know he took you outside. Said the sun reflected off your hair nicely.” Reno said. Yeah, he can imagine Cloud looked nice in the sunlight.

“No, he only took me outside, on the balcony.”

“Tch, alright, come on.” He reached out for Cloud’s hand, intertwining their fingers, making a mental note that Cloud didn’t flinch. Not even a little. He had noticed, early on, that Cloud never flinched when he touched him. In fact, he tended to lean into his touch, even seek out comfort from it. It made Reno wonder if Cloud was the same with Tseng, and if he’d be the same with the others once Cloud was saved.

“It’s warm out.” Cloud commented as he took a deep breath, enjoying the warmth of the sun on his skin. Felt nice, versus a stuffy office or a bedroom.

“Yeah. It’s nice out here, right? I have some food for us. Go sit while I get some drinks.” He watched as Cloud looked around, finally deciding to sit in a patch of grass surrounded by some yellow flowers.

The way the sun reflected off his hair really did make him look so pretty. Reno knew he should pull back, his emotions towards the blond coming on too fast and too strong, but he couldn’t help it. But he knew falling for him would make it more difficult to say goodbye.

“Which one do you want? Green tea or raspberry tea?” Reno asked, sitting down in the spot next to Cloud.

“Whatever one you don’t want is fine.”

“C’mon, its okay. Tell me which one you prefer.” Reno frowned. He was sure that this was part of how Rufus had built him back up. To stop and let people choose before he did.

“You seem like you have a secret sweet tooth, so here.” He handed him the raspberry tea. Cloud gave the smallest smile as he took the tea from Reno, and the red-head felt his heart flutter.

An hour later and Cloud was leaning against him, looking sleepy. Probably the warm sun and the nice weather was making him comfortable. And not having to be on edge with Rufus helped.

Reno pulled the blond into his arms, nuzzling into his neck. He knew Rufus had started to hold Cloud now, but Reno wanted to do so much more for the blond. He let out a sigh, his breath ghosting across Cloud’s neck.

“Hnn.” Cloud let out a small sound between a gasp and a moan. Reno pulled away, blinking in confusion.

“Feel good?” He asked, slowly moving to Cloud’s neck, placing a small kiss there, leading up to his ear. “Wanna feel better?” He whispered, fingers tugging at the waistband to Cloud’s pants.

“You…you want to…?” Cloud was shaking a little. Rufus never kissed him like that, never made him feel this good from a simple touch. But Cloud knew what this was going to lead to.

“Oh. Nah Cloud, I’m not gonna hurt ya.” Reno felt bad. He didn’t want Cloud to think he was going to do the same thing Rufus did to him. He just wanted to make Cloud feel good, because he knew that Rufus only caused the poor blond pain. Which meant Cloud got no pleasure in the last six months.

“What…do you want me to do?” Cloud asked, still scared.

“Come here.” Reno smiled, pulling Cloud’s back to his chest, hand slowly trailing down his chest to his waist, pulling out his dick. Already hard. It made Reno feel bad. Cloud was so oversensitive, it seemed. If a gentle Probably because no one, nor himself, has even touched him there since he had been captured. Poor Cloud was probably so wound up and frustrated.

Cloud closed his eyes and leaned his head back onto Reno’s shoulder, thrusting his hips against the red-heads hand.

“It’s okay, let go Cloud. I just want to make you feel good.” Reno said as he picked up the pace, thumbing at the tip of Cloud’s dick and smearing the pre-cum around. Reno placed a wet kiss against Cloud’s neck and the blond moaned loudly, exploding into Reno’s hand, and collapsing backwards, panting.

Had that been anyone else, Reno would have probably made fun of them for finishing _so_ fast. But Cloud was so pent up, after almost six months of being raped, with no relief of his own.

“Feel good?” Reno asked, grabbing a napkin to clean off his hand. He moved Cloud so the blond was in his lap, wrapping his arms around his small waist.

“You…won’t tell master, right?” Cloud asked, nuzzling into his neck. Reno ran his hand through Cloud’s hair, doing his best to soothe him. Cloud leaned into the touch, enjoying how it felt when Reno touched him. There were never any hidden motives in his touches.

“Oh…fuck no. He’d kill me. We’ll keep this between the two of us.”

* * *

“Your face is burnt.” Rufus asked that night, finally getting a good look at Cloud, after taking out his frustration from the meeting on him. Cloud was curled up at his side, squirming a little and trying to get comfortable. Hard to do when he was in pain and most likely bleeding again.

“It is?”

“Yes, your nose and cheeks are red, it makes your freckles show up a little bit. It’s quite cute.” Rufus tapped his nose, wrapping his arm around Cloud’s waist to pull him closer. Cloud let out a small sigh of relief.

“Maybe we can go to Costa del Sol soon. We own a nice house near the beach.” Rufus offered.

“Yeah?” Cloud honestly loved the beach, but wasn’t sure what Rufus was getting at. Another hidden motive? Or did Rufus really just want to spend some time away with him?

“Yes. In a few weeks, perhaps? A nice vacation, just the two of us. Would you like that, my pretty Cloud?”

“Hmm, yes master. I would.”

* * *

Rufus had a meeting, the day before he was going to leave for a week. Tseng had come to gather Cloud this time.

He felt awful, because he knew Rufus was going to be exceptionally rough on Cloud tonight, to make up for the week he wasn’t going to see him.

But Cloud would be long gone when Rufus got back.

Tseng and Reno would do their part in getting Cloud out. The others had to do their part in keeping Cloud safe. As well as helping him heal. He couldn’t help but fill just a little sad. He’d miss Cloud. He’d grown close to the blond in these last six months, even if it were for horrible reasons.

“Tseng?”

“Yes, Cloud?” Tseng answered.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, why would anything be wrong?”

“You’re quiet.” Tseng sighed. He didn’t mean to worry Cloud. He wanted their time together to be comfortable.

“Yes, I’m okay. Reno told me that you like sweets? I brought you some cake, let’s go eat it.”

To say Cloud was happy, when Tseng gave him the cake would be a weird way to explain the situation. Cloud was never _happy_ , just a faux happy, because of what Rufus had drilled into his head. But he seemed at least a little excited when Tseng gave him the cake.

“Mmm. Thank you.”

Just watching Cloud eat made Tseng smile. Such a simple thing seemed to make Cloud genuinely happy. When Cloud was done, Tseng leaned forward placing his lips on the blonds. Cloud jumped a little in shock, but quickly calmed down, letting the kiss happen.

Rufus was so rough with him. All the time. While Reno and Tseng were both so gentle and caring. They always made him feel so good. Like he was an actual person who mattered.

Feeling Tseng’s teeth gentle nibble on his bottom lip, and his tongue wrap around his own, made Cloud shiver. Why couldn’t Rufus do this to him? Make him feel good like this? Even if sex had to hurt, he could make him feel good in other ways, right?

“Tastes good.” Tseng said as he pulled away, a little blush across Cloud’s face.

“C…can we do that again?”

* * *

Cloud had no idea what he did wrong. He didn’t act out, or even act out of the ordinary.

But Rufus was being so rough with him tonight. Roughest he had been since Cloud gave in.\ to him.

After the second time, Cloud could feel himself blacking out from the pain.

“Fuck Cloud. You’re always so tight.” Rufus moaned, gripping his hips in a bruising force, adding more bruises to go along with the ones that had already littered his hips, thighs, and neck.

“M...Master please! It hurts.” Cloud cried out, whimpered when blood dripped down his legs, mixing with the cum from earlier. He was going to wake up beyond sore the next day. Hopefully, Rufus would give him a break.

“I told you,” Rufus growled, pushing in hard and holding onto Cloud’s hips as he released inside of him. Waiting a few moments to calm down before he spoke again.

“It’s supposed to hurt.”

* * *

“Fuck, look at him!” Reno gasped as him and Tseng stood over Cloud’s sleeping form. Leave it to Rufus to fuck Cloud up so much before he left. Those bruises and marks would still be there tomorrow when Cloud was going to be rescued. He had a small bruise on the bottom of his left eye, and his bottom lip looked busted.

Cloud’s friends would not be happy.

Not that they would be, anyway. But this just made the situation much worse.

“Cloud? Hey, come on blondie, wake up.” Reno said softly, placing his hand on Cloud’s shoulder. He watched the blond wince and pull away from his touch, his eyes opening slowly. Eyes immediately furrowing in pain.

“Did master leave again?” Cloud asked. Yeah, the poor guy was too smart. He knew what was going on when Tseng or Reno was there. Seeing the sad look on his face broke their hearts.

“Yeah Cloud. But we’re here, okay? And now, everything is going to be alright.” Tseng said. Seeing Cloud’s broken face broke his heart. Cloud hated being away from Rufus.

“How long is he going to be away?”

“Don’t worry about it, Cloud. Wanna take a bath with me?” Reno asked, trying to change the subject a little, maybe calm Cloud down. He really wanted to avoid the question because he hated lying to him.

“Was…he rough with me because he’ll be away for a while?” Cloud was starting to panic a little.

“I’m not sure, Cloud. But he’ll be back in a week.”

“A week?” His eyes went wide and watery. “Master is…leaving me for a whole week?”

“Cloud, it’s alright.” Tseng said softly, sitting next to him on the bed and pulling the sobbing blond to him.

“Why? Why does he do this to me? I listen to him. I love him. Why is he leaving me for so long? I miss him already.”

Reno looked away while Tseng held the sobbing blond close to him, trying to whisper words of comfort, but Cloud didn’t seem to be taking it to heart.

Rufus really fucked him up almost beyond healing. Saving Cloud was going to be a lot harder than they’d think. Especially since Cloud probably didn’t want to be saved at this point.

Taking a bath was one of the few comforts that Reno had noticed Cloud enjoyed. It could have been because it was his earliest form of comfort, from the beginning.

“Comfy?” Reno asked, pulling Cloud close to him. He gave Cloud baths so many times, but never got in with him. It was nice, being close like this to Cloud. Having him close.

“Yeah.” Cloud replied, moving his hand so it was hovering over Reno’s, unsure of what he wanted to do.

“What’s wrong? Wanna hold my hand?” Reno smirked, grasping Cloud’s hand, and bringing it to his lips, kissing it. Reno still felt bad. Cloud’s neck looked like it was attacked by some sort of wild animal. His lip was still busted and underneath his eye had swollen a little bit. And that was only above the waist.

“Feeling okay?” Reno asked a few minutes later. Cloud had been moving around a little, like he was uncomfortable.

“I’m…really sore.” Cloud admitted.

Of course, Reno thought. Why wouldn’t he be, judging from the bruising alone.

“Alright, well let’s get you ready for bed, I’ll get you some tea and painkillers.”

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Cloud asked as Reno toweled his hair dry. He always liked seeing Cloud’s hair spike right back up once it dried up a bit. It was cute.

“Tonight? Yeah. Tseng too.”

Cloud hated sleeping alone, almost feared it, after months of being kept in a cold, dark cell. While he missed Rufus’ presence, he was grateful that Tseng and Reno were here with him, at both of his sides. Having their warm bodies pressed against him helped lull him to sleep.

* * *

“This is where we’re supposed to meet them, right?” Tifa asked, feeling on edge. She just wanted to see Cloud, and help begin his healing process.

“Yeah, that’s what they said. Those fuckers better not be lyin’ to us.” Barret said. He was on edge too. More anxious than anything else. It had been six months since they’d seen Cloud, and Reno’s warnings dug deep.

“I almost wish Zack were here, too. Some extra muscle.” Aerith said, half joking, trying to lighten the mood.

“We can’t overwhelm Cloud more than he’s already going to be.” Red said.

They had been told to meet in a small grassy park area directly outside of ShinRa HQ. Admittedly, it made them all uneasy, being so close to ShinRa. But they put their trust in Reno (and Tseng). Tseng and Reno, afterward, would give them a ride back to Midgar.

* * *

“Where are we going?” Cloud asked. Tseng and Reno were taking him somewhere further away than he had ever gone.

“Just for a nice little walk, Cloud. Don’t worry.” Reno answered, heart pounding. There was no telling how Cloud was going to react when he saw his friends. It worried him. He didn’t want Cloud to freak out too much.

“What are you carrying?” Tseng had a small bag on his shoulder, filled with different types of sedatives. They wanted to take some with them in case Cloud got too out of hand when he saw his friends and found out what was going on. That, and they’d give the rest to Cloud’s friends, just in case he freaked out sometime in the near future. Chances are, they would need them.

Cloud’s (or Zack’s?) buster sword was already loaded into the helicopter, ready to be returned to Cloud once he was better. His uniform, however, was no where to be found. Not that that was a huge loss. The sword was the most important.

They both knew they had to start telling Cloud the truth now, even if it pushed him deeper into the void of his broken mind. It was the only way to help him begin to heal.

“Cloud,” Tseng began as they arrived at the meeting point, in the distance, he saw Cloud’s friends, waiting for the signal. Tseng sat him down on the small bench.

“There’s something I need to tell you. Something I lied to you about.”

“Lied to me?” Cloud asked, squirming in the seat. His body was still sore from how rough Rufus had been, and the bruises on his neck were throbbing. He wanted to get back to his room and relax.

“Yes. Do you remember what you asked me, about Zack?” As soon as Zack’s name was mentioned, Cloud’s demeaner changed. His breath quickened and his eyes got watery.

“Don’t…talk about him.” Cloud hadn’t thought about Zack for almost two months, and didn’t want to think about him ever again.

“You asked me if he would hate you. And I lied about that, Cloud. He loves you. So much Cloud. Zack still loves you and would never be disgusted by you. Do you have any idea how happy he’s going to be to see you?”

“What…are you talking about?” Cloud asked. Was Tseng going to kill him or something? So he could see Zack in the lifestream?

“I’m sorry I lied to you. Zack loves you, and I wish I could make you understand that.” Tseng reached out and caressed Cloud’s cheek. He didn’t flinch. Not even a little. Cloud never flinched when he touched him.

“Are you going to kill me?”

“K…kill you? Blondie, of course we’re not going to kill you! We care about you and want to send you home.”

“But I am home.” Cloud stated, sounding completely convincing.

“Your friends will be happy to see you too, Cloud.” Tseng smiled

“My friends?”

“Yes, see?” Tseng moved away a little, and Cloud looked up. Barret, Aerith, Tifa, and Red standing just a few feet away, shocked looks on their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zack isn’t there because, like Reno said, they shouldn’t overwhelm Cloud. And Biggs isn’t there either, same reason, sort of. Cloud doesn’t know he’s alive, and Cloud will go through enough just seeing Barret, Aerith, Tifa, and Red.
> 
> Next chapter will be super emotional. For everyone. Cloud’s recovery is not going to be easy. Despite how much Reno warned them, they're all going to be shocked when they see how Cloud acts.


	8. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home at last

“Oh, Cloud.” Aerith frowned, hand going to her mouth in shock as she tried to contain her tears. He looked awful. Sure, he was always a bit _small_ , petite even, but he had lost weight. The muscles in his arms were almost gone. He looked so _scrawny_. Very unlike him. It made her wonder what and how often he was being fed. It also wouldn’t surprise her, considering what else had been done to him.

There were also bruises all over his neck, at least from what she could see. She could only imagine what laid beneath his clothing.

Cloud’s eyes went wide with fear, seeing his friends there, after six months was too much for him. He hadn’t even _thought_ about them in almost two months Why now? Why were they here now?

He stood up from his spot on the bench and moved to Tseng’s side, grasping his sleeve in fear. He wanted to hide behind him, because he knew Tseng would protect him, comfort him. Tseng had been a form of comfort for so long now, and Cloud doubted that he’d stop now.

“What’s ha…happening? Why are they here?” He asked, looking back and forth between Reno and Tseng, refusing to look at his friends. Fear gripped him so strongly, he felt like he’d topple over if he weren’t holding onto Tseng for support.

He hadn’t thought about them in so long. His mind had been at ease, just focusing on Rufus (and occasionally Reno and Tseng). His mind never wandered, not anymore, and he was okay with that. It made him feel better, not thinking about them (or Zack). And now, here they were, bringing up bad memories of the past. Reversing all the comfort that Rufus, Tseng, and Reno had brought him.

“They’re here to take you home, blondie.” Reno said softly, and the others watched him in shock. They had all seen Reno fight, seen how he acted around others. But seeing how softly he regarded Cloud completely shocked them. Had it been a different situation, they’d have thought it was sweet. And maybe it was, but there were more dire issues at hand.

“Home? But I am home.” Cloud was shivering, stepping behind Tseng. Tseng was a few inches taller than he was, and Cloud hoped he could hide himself completely behind the man.

“No Cloud, it’s not. Your home is with your friends.” Tseng said , turning his head to look at the scared blond.

“Home is with master.” Cloud stated. He wanted to leave, maybe take a nap with Reno and Tseng. Why would he go back with his friends, who were looking upon him with pity? And disgust, Cloud was sure they were disgusted with him.

“What the-are you fucking kidding me? That piece of shit makes Cloud call him that?” Barret barked out, causing Cloud to flinch. Too close. Barret was too close to him and too intimidating.

“That’s…disgusting.” Tifa said, not trying to upset Cloud, and not even directing it to Cloud, but the blond heard it, laying his forehead against Tseng’s back, seeking comfort. All Tseng and Reno wanted to do at the moment was to comfort him. Take him away and hold him. But they knew they couldn’t. They had to get Cloud out as soon as possible.

“Please…take me back home. I don’t want to be here.” He whimpered; hands tight on Tseng’s suit. He knew his friends would be disgusted with him, knowing what he had been through. He didn’t want to see them anymore.

“We are, Cloud. We’re taking you to Midgar.” Reno said.

“No! No!” Cloud pulled away, and began to make a run for it, but Reno grabbed him, pulling his back against his chest, and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

“Stop…STOP!” He yelled, tears flowing as he struggled as best he could. Reno felt his heart break. Cloud struggled as hard as he could, screamed and sobbed, flailed in Reno’s arms, but he couldn’t get away.

AVALANCHE watched, trying not to say anything as they watched. Barret had to turn away, barely able to watch Cloud struggle. He knew what an exceptional fighter Cloud was. Six months ago, he could have easily broken Reno’s hold. But now? Now he seemed so weak and broken.

“It’ll be okay, Cloud. I promise. You’ll be so much happier.” Reno said softly, watching as Tseng was shuffling through the bag he brought, pulling out a syringe.

“No!” Cloud struggled harder when he saw the syringe. He knew all too well what was going to happen.

“Please! Master…needs me. He’s going to be so angry…please, I love him!”

“Love?” Tifa whispered, unable to believe what she was hearing. After everything Rufus had done to him, how could he love him after all that?

“What are you doing to him?” Aerith asked, watching as Reno tilted Cloud’s head to expose his neck.

“No, No! STOP!” Cloud begged, crying. He knew if he was going to be sedated, he’d probably wake up somewhere he didn’t want to be.

“Shh, I know Cloud. It’ll be alright.” Tseng whispered, trying to calm the blond’s nerves.

“Just rest now.” He said as he poked Cloud with the needle, plunging the drug into his system. Within seconds, he went limp in Reno’s arms.

“A sedative. This one puts him to sleep. I have two kinds in this bag for you. The red labeled ones will put him to sleep. The blue ones will just help relax him.”

“You think we want to drug him?!” Barret shouted.

“Want to? No. But you may need to. Did you see how he reacted?”

“I…I didn’t think he’d be this bad.” Tifa admitted.

“Yeah,” Reno whispered, pulling Cloud into his arms, bridal style, as Tseng led them all to the helicopter. “I told ya.”

* * *

“Pacing isn’t going to make them come faster.” Biggs said, watching Zack pass him for the umpteenth time. Yeah, he was anxious too, but worrying was just going to make it worse.

“Not like we can even see him when he gets here.” Zack mumbled, more to himself than to Biggs.

“It’s for the best, for now.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not gonna have to wait as long as I do.”

“What do you mean?”

“Cloud will be fine seeing you. It’s me he’s gonna be afraid of.”

“Don’t say that Zack. Just give him time. That’s what he needs.”

“But Rufus,” Zack paused, trying to hold back the sob that threatened to escape. He could feel his throat tighten.

“Rufus convinced Cloud that I’d be disgusted by him. That I’d hate him and resent him. How can I look at him, knowing he believes that?”

“Rufus convinced Cloud of a lot of things. We just need to be gentle with him and help him heal. That’s what’s best for him.”

* * *

Tifa and Aerith watched Reno closely, amazed at how tender he was towards the sleeping Cloud. Barret and Red were up front with Tseng, who was flying. Reno was sitting, Cloud’s head in his lap, scratching his scalp, acting like no one else mattered.

“He seems so relaxed.” Tifa commented softly.

“Yeah, he likes getting his head scratched.” Reno said, probably a good time to talk about things.

“And he likes baths, and sweet things, and reading, and getting his hand held.” Reno explained. He just wanted to make sure Cloud was comfortable when he was with them. Even after explaining, he knew Cloud’s friends weren’t prepared for how bad he’d be. Once he woke up, he was in their hands.

“You…know a lot about him, don’t you?” Aerith asked, smiling softly. Even though Cloud was unconscious, it was almost a relief seeing him so relaxed.

“I did anything I could to make him comfortable.” Reno said. He had so much guilt in his heart. Those months where he held Cloud down as Rufus brutally raped him. Even though Cloud found comfort in his arms all those times, Reno would never forget what he did.

“Maybe you’re not so bad after all.” Aerith said, watching as Cloud subconsciously moved towards Reno’s touch.

“Just make sure you don’t lose your temper with him. He’s not going to be easy to deal with.”

“I think I understand now. After seeing him get so scared by the fact that we’re taking him home.” Tifa replied. Yeah, Cloud was definitely a lot worse than she had even imagined. She only hoped he’d be okay with Biggs, and eventually Zack.

Zack. Poor Zack. In a coma only to finally wake up and find out the love of his life was kidnapped and tortured.

“Hey,” Aerith said, hand on Tifa’s. “He’ll be okay. He’s home now. With us.” She reached forward, wiping the tears from Tifa’s eyes. She didn’t even realize she was crying.

“I…I know I just…” Aerith pulled her girlfriend against her chest, letting the woman cry. Yeah, it was going to be hard for all of them. They just had to stay tough in Cloud’s presence.

“We’re landing now.” Tseng announced, turning back to them.

* * *

They all normally stayed in Sector seven, a small portion of it rebuilt already, including Seventh Heaven. They built a second floor, with enough rooms for Aerith and Tifa, Biggs, and Barret. There was a fourth room, which they planned on giving to Zack and Cloud, whenever Cloud was up to it. There was also secret basement underneath, which is where Zack was for now, needed to be kept a secret, since all of ShinRa thought he was dead. And that’s where Cloud would stay for a bit, hidden away so Rufus wouldn’t find him. It wasn’t ideal, but there was plenty of space down there, and they’d make sure Cloud got plenty of time outside.

“We’ll keep in contact, through PHS. I know Rufus is going to come here the moment he realizes Cloud is missing. Depending on whether or not he believes you, some of you may have to prepare to take Cloud somewhere else.” Reno explained, tucking Cloud into the bed he’d be staying in. Cloud looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Such a contrast of how he acted only a few hours ago.

“Yeah, we’ll make sure he stays hidden. No fuckin way we’d let that scum take him again.” Barret replied.

“Take care of him.” Tseng said, hand fingers brushing aside the blond bangs to place a chaste kiss on his forehead. Saying goodbye to Cloud was harder than he thought it’d be.

“Bye blondie.” Reno whispered, taking his hand to his lips, and placing a kiss there. He’d miss Cloud, but he knew this was the best option. Cloud was home, with his friends, where he belonged.

“Good luck. We’ll talk soon.” Tseng said as he and Reno left the room, letting the others watch over Cloud.

As they walked towards the door leaving the bar, they saw Zack leaning up against the entrance.

“Zack, good to see you.” Tseng greeted, trying to keep the conversation to a minimum.

“Thank you,” Zack whispered, trying to hide his face.

“For helping him and bringing him back to me. To us. I think he’ll be grateful for you two, one day. When he realizes everything you’ve done for him.”

“Yeah, maybe. Just make sure you take care of him.”

* * *

Zack knew he shouldn’t go downstairs. Simply because there was a slight possibility that Cloud could wake up and see him. And they all agreed to wait a little while before Zack showed himself.

But he _had_ to see Cloud.

Had to make sure he was safe.

“Zack, what are you doing here?” Tifa scolded, stopping Zack before he could enter Cloud’s room.

“Tifa,” He peered over her, seeing everyone else moving around the room. “Please. Let me see him. Just for a second. I….I need to see him. Please.” Zack never really begged. And Tifa felt awful.

“Alright. Okay. Fine. Just…hurry up, before he wakes up and see’s you.” Tifa stepped aside, letting him he.

He slowly made his way over to the bed, ignoring everyone in the room, not caring for their surprised looks or whispered.

“Cloud.” He whispered, falling to his knees at Cloud’s bedside, taking his hand within his own.

“I’m so sorry.” He sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cloud, he's in for a rough time, and his friends still don't understand just how hurt his mind is. And poor Zack, he just wants to be with Cloud. I'm sure you all wanted to see a 'reunion' between Zack and Cloud, but that'll come up soon! And it'll be angst-ridden.


	9. Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeing old friends

Nobody had the heart to pull Zack away. Hearing him sob and cry into Cloud’s side while he apologized to him was beyond painful to watch. For someone who had always been so cheerful and positive, it was terrible to see him breaking down and sobbing. Hearing the constant “I’m sorry Cloud, I’m so sorry” over and over was almost too much for any of them to bare.

Not a single one of them blamed Zack for Cloud’s current state of mind. And they were sure that once Cloud was in a better mindset, he wouldn’t blame Zack either. Cloud would only blame himself, which was another thing they’d have to help Cloud overcome. None of this was Cloud’s fault.

“Cloud, I’m so sorry.” Zack brought Cloud’s hand and bringing it to his cheek, rubbing the back of Cloud’s hand against his skin. He brought Cloud’s hand to his lips, kissing it.

He wanted nothing more than to pull the blond into his arms, comfort him and kiss him. Just a quick glance gave him an idea of how bad Cloud was. Bruises all over his neck, skinnier than he remembered, some stress lines across his forehead – most likely from earlier, when they retrieved him, he just looked so broken, even while sleeping. He could only imagine how he had acted when he saw his friends.

“Zack,” Aerith said softly, hand on his shoulder. “You need to go. I think he’s going to wake up soon.” She didn’t want him to go. It broke her heart to see him like this. He had so much love for Cloud, and for the blond to be so close yet so far, must have been so painful for him.

“Yeah,” He sniffed, standing up, eyes still on Cloud, refusing to look anywhere else. “I’m leaving.”

* * *

Cloud groaned as he opened his eyes, feeling groggy and dizzy. Sedatives had such an odd effect on him. Just added to the things he wanted to forget about. It had been almost two months since he had to be sedated.

Gasping, he sat up, realizing he wasn’t home anymore, wasn’t in his and Rufus’ bed. The other man was nowhere to be found. He remembered, at that point, what had happened earlier.

“Cloud, you’re awake.” He turned his head, seeing Aerith and Tifa hovering over him, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, with how close they were to him. What would they do? Sedate him again? Keep him in this room? Yeah, most likely. They were probably going to do everything in their power to keep him from going back to Rufus.

“Wh…where am I?” He didn’t even want to talk to them. Or at least not Tifa, who had said he was disgusting, and seemed shocked at the fact that he loved Rufus. She was supposed to be his friend. They’d known each other for so long, so why would she ever act like that towards him?

“Back at Seventh Heaven.” Tifa explained, she leaned a little closer to Cloud, meaning to give him some comfort, but he flinched the moment she got closer.

“I want to go home.” Cloud said, fingers playing with the blanket that was covering him. It was a nervous habit he had picked up, months ago.

“You are home, Cloud. We worked so hard to get you back. You won’t have to be near Rufus anymore. We’ll protect you from him. You won’t ever have to go back there.” Tifa tried so hard to keep calm, to keep her voice soft.

“But I _want_ to be near master, I love him. I miss him.” Cloud replied. Wasn’t Tifa his friend at one point? How could she doubt his love for someone?

“Love, Cloud no, you don’t-” Tifa began. Cloud didn’t love Rufus. He couldn’t. Not after everything the cruel man had done to him.

“We know, Cloud.” Aerith cut in. “We know you love him. But sometimes those we love aren’t the one’s we’re meant to be with, right? How about you stay with us for a little while?”

“I don’t want to stay here. I want to go home.” Cloud explained. Aerith hadn’t said anything cruel to him, didn’t intimidate him like Tifa and Barret did. He felt a lot safer around her, a lot less intimidated.

“Maybe this can become your home?” She asked, placing her hand on top of Clouds, remembering what Reno had said about Cloud liking his hand being held.

“No, this will never be my home again.” Cloud replied but didn’t move away from her. It seemed

“Give us a chance? We all love you, Cloud. And we just want what’s best for you.”

“Master knows what’s best for me.” Cloud said, not skipping a beat, and sounding thoroughly convinced.

Tifa could barely watch, wondering _why_ Aerith was agreeing with Cloud. Rufus was horrible, terrible, and she didn’t understand why Cloud wanted to go back to him so badly. Shouldn’t he be happy that he was rescued? Relieved to be back with friends, instead of wishing he could go back?

“Mmm, well stay with us for a while, okay? Do you want something to eat?” Aerith offered.

Yeah, he was _starving_. But he also wasn’t sure he trusted Tifa and Aerith. He was so used to just making himself small and unnoticeable. Just took whatever was given to him. Sometimes he would still be hungry after Rufus fed him but stayed quiet.

“Yeah.” Cloud replied.

“Alright! Well it’s settled then, let’s go eat. I bet Tifa could whip us up something tasty.” Aerith giggled gently, taking Cloud’s hand tighter to help the blond out of bed. Reno had warned them that Cloud may be a little woozy when he woke up from the sedative.

Tifa was a little surprised, watching Cloud take Aerith’s hand, as she walked him up the stairs. He didn’t flinch, not even the slightest, and he let her hold his hand the entire way there.

“There’s someone else here, too Cloud. He’s really excited to see you.”

“Who?” Cloud asked. Who else could they be talking about that wasn’t them, Barret or Red? Unless Reno or Tseng had returned. But that was very unlikely.

Cloud stopped walking as he laid his eyes on the person they were talking about.

“Hey Cloud.”

“Y…you’re ali..alive?”

* * *

“I just hope they’ll be able to hide him, when boss comes along to get him back.” Reno was pacing, anxious and worried. They still had a few more days until Rufus got back. And he hoped that

“They will. Put a little more trust in them. They’re his friends after all. And Zack wouldn’t let anything happen to him. Not this time.”

“Sure, so we think. Now we just gotta figure out what we’re going to tell Rufus, once he gets back. He’s gonna be so pissed that Cloud is missing.”

“If you can feign shock, we can pretend we didn’t even know. Or say there was a break in, and that Cloud just...disappeared.”

“You think he’d believe that?”

“I’m not so sure. But we have six more days to figure it out.”

* * *

“Yeah, I’m alive. I didn’t die that day, and I was brought to the leaf house, where I recovered.”

Cloud didn’t know how to reply. Never expected to see this man again. He never expected to see any of his so called friends again. But here they were. So was this man going to blame him for what happened? Surely he had been in a coma for a while, right? And his recovery, it must have been a lot of work.

“I’m…I’m glad you’re al…alive.” Stuttering. Something they all noticed with Cloud. They weren’t sure if it was something Cloud had been doing, since he was kidnapped, or if it was a new thing, since he seemed so on edge with them.

There was a lingering silence, and the others knew that Biggs wanted to say something. To apologize to Cloud for what happened, even though he knew he shouldn’t, as it would only make things worse.

“Come sit next to me? And we’ll eat.” Bigg’s offered, gesturing to the seat next to him on the table. Red was off to the side, watching, while Tifa had gone back behind the bar to start preparing dinner. Barret was gone at the moment, having gone to go visit Marlene back at Sector 5. She was staying with Aerith’s mother. They had all thought it was for the best, for now.

“What would you like to eat, Cloud?” Tifa asked from behind the bar.

“An…anything is okay.” He said, voice low and unsure. He was still so unused to people asking what he wanted. He would usually just eat whatever Rufus gave him. Read whatever books Rufus got him. The choice for anything he wanted had been taken away from him long ago. Sure, Reno and Tseng asked him things when they were together, but he’d take so long to answer, that they wound up making the decision for him.

“Come on Cloud,” Tifa smiled, leaning on the bar. “What are you in the mood for?” The tone wasn’t annoyed, nor cruel, but there was a small sense of pushiness there, and Cloud picked up on it.

He balled his fists, turning away from Tifa. He could feel his heart racing, like he was scared. He missed his life. Missed not having to make any decisions and just have them made for him. It was so much simpler.

“Cloud?” He could hear Aerith’s soft, concerned voice, feel her gentle hand on top of his.

“Don’t…” He was trying to slow his breathing, calm his beating heart. He could even feel himself shaking. “Don’t make me choose. P…please? Anything is f..fine.”

Tifa turned he back to them, trying to conceal her tears. Reno warned them that he’d be worse off than any of them could imagine.

Tifa just didn’t think he’d be right.

* * *

Tifa made everyone ramen. It was simple enough, and filling. She tried to ignore the way Cloud had flinched whenever she got near him. She noticed he didn’t do that with Biggs or Aerith, or even Red, when he had gotten closer. No. It was only her.

And then Barret got back. His loud, gruff voice booming and asking for Cloud. Everyone knew he meant no harm, was just happy to see Cloud.

But Cloud? Cloud was terrified.

He jumped up off his chair, the chair crashing to the ground, as Cloud cowered behind Biggs and Aerith, trying to hide from Barret, who made a beeline for him. Meaning to greet him warmly (well as warmly as Barret could).

“Cloud, it’s okay.” Aerith soothed.

“No, no, no.” Cloud was whimpered, hands digging into Biggs’ shirt. It reminded them all too well of when they saw him earlier, cowering against Tseng.

“Cloud,” Barret began, taking a step towards him. Tifa held out her arm, stopping him in his tracks.

“Barret, don’t. Leave him alone for now.” Tifa said. It hurt her just as much as him, that Cloud seemed to cower when he was near them. But just them. Cloud seemed totally fine around Biggs and Aerith.

“But I’m not-” Barret wanted to say he wasn’t going to hurt him, that they were _friends_ and he was so happy to have him back. But the look on Cloud’s face once he walked in. No…Barret never wanted to see that fear again.

“Take me home, please take me home.” He begged, shaking against Biggs’ back.

“Cloud, it’ll be okay, I promise. Why don’t you take a seat?” Aerith said, leaning down to pick up the chair he had knocked over. Biggs turned his head for a moment, and Cloud took that opportunity to bolt towards the door. Only stopping because Red had blocked his way out.

“Let me go!” He yelled, or at least tried to. It came out more like a loud whimper of words. He backed away from Red, only to see the others watching him, concerned looks on all of their faces.

“Cloud, calm down okay? We’re not going to hurt you.” Tifa said. She just wanted to help him. To have him see how much they cared. How much they wanted him to get better.

“Please,” He backed himself against the wall. “Please, I just want to go home.” He begged, hugging himself and digging his nails into his arms. Any harder, and he’d definitely hurt himself.

“This is your home though.” Barret said, watching Cloud. The poor blond was acting like a scared animal. He’d never seen Cloud act like this before. Not even when faced with tough enemies. Rufus had really done a number on him.

“Cloud, why don’t we go downstairs where it’s quiet?” Biggs offered, and Cloud gasped, not realizing how close the man had gotten to him, how Biggs was reaching out for him.

“No,” He shook his head, seeing Tifa get closer out of the corner of his eye. “P…please, take…take me home.”

Cloud didn’t even notice to harsh prick in his neck, until it was too late, and everything was shrouded in darkness.

* * *

Cloud shot up in bed, massaging his temples. The room was pitch black, save for the little bit of light that as streaming in from the bottom of the door. He threw the blanket off of him, feeling around for the lamp and flicked it on. Standing up with a sigh, he slowly walked over to the door. He gripped the doorknob, trying to turn it.

It was locked.

Cloud frowned as he took in the bedroom. It was small. No probably because it’s in the basement. Small bathroom, and a bed. It reminded him too much of the cell he was in for Four months.

He grabbed the doorknob again, pulling and shaking at the door, hoping it’d just…open. He banged at it a few times, hoping the others would hear him and let him out, or at the very least, maybe one of them would stay with him. He hated sleeping alone. Hated being alone.

Cloud walked back over to the bed and grabbed a pillow, backing himself into the corner of the room, and sliding down the wall. He hugged his knees to his chest, stuffing the pillow in between them for added comfort. Rocking himself slowly, shaking, crying, small sobs escaping his lips.

How could his so called friends say _this_ was better? Two of them already thought he was disgusting for what happened to him. And they left him alone, in this dark, cold room.

He hugged himself tighter, small sobs escaping.

Rufus was always there with him, at night, holding him. And when he wasn’t there, Reno and Tseng were.

He missed _them_. He missed Rufus. He just wanted to be touched by him again. Be told he was pretty. Or be kissed by Tseng, or hold Reno’s hand.

He missed them so much. And missed Rufus most of all.

And now..

He was lonely.

So lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tifa and Barret mean well, they really do. But they don’t quite understand how Cloud is feeling, and saying certain words are triggering towards Cloud, but they don’t realize it. While Biggs and Aerith are calmer and understanding and patient, which I equate to the fact that they work with children. 
> 
> Zack and Cloud are going to meet up really soon! I know you all wanted it now, but there needed to be some buildup and plot first! And their meetup is going to be super sad. So be prepared!


	10. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tseng has more guilt than he lets on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Italics_ are a flashback.

He couldn’t sleep.

Not knowing Cloud was in the room right next to him.

So close, yet so far.

With an angry sigh, Zack sat up in bed. Sleep wasn’t going to find him today, not with his mind on Cloud. He heard Cloud’s freak out earlier, upstairs. He sounded so scared. So broken. And the fact that he could do absolutely nothing about it broke his heart. All he wanted to do was pull him into his arms and comfort him, dry his tears, sooth his mind.

With another sigh, Zack got out of bed, squats would help, right? Those always calmed him down when he was restless or thinking too much.

But then he heard the faint shake of a door.

Cloud’s door?

Zack opened the door to his own room walked out into the hallway, eyes picking up the shaking and pulling of the doorknob from Clouds room. Walking closer, he placed his ear at the door, listening in.

All he could hear were sobs.

* * *

_Most of the time, Cloud found living with Rufus easy. He’d get up with him, shower with him, eat breakfast with him, go to the office with him, return back to their room. Sometimes Rufus would take him for a walk, and then they’d have dinner and retire in their bedroom for the night._

_Which always meant sex. Painful sex, but at least it made Rufus happy. Rufus was always so happy with him. Calling him pretty, holding him, just being with him._

_And in the end, Cloud was never alone. Not anymore._

_Even the few times that Rufus had left him for the day, Reno or Tseng would come stay with him. In the almost two months after Cloud had given in, he was never alone. Never had to remember those long months when he was left in that dark, cold cell for twenty hours a day. Never seeing anyone, and just left there to his own thoughts._

_He was never alone. Note anymore._

_Except once._

_About a month in he had another dream about Zack, whimpering the man’s name in his sleep._

_The next thing he knew he was awoken and shoved to the floor._

_Like the first time, he thought, he’d be shoved off the bed and left there for a night. But not tonight._

_Rufus got off the bed, grabbing Cloud roughly by the hair and shoved him up against the wall, ripping his pajama pants down. Cloud squirmed in his grasp, his head hurting from being slammed a little too harshly against the wall._

_“Wh-I’m sorry, master, please!” Rufus had never really done anything like this before. They had sex in his office, on the floor, back before Cloud had given in. And any time after that had been on their bed._

_But being shoved face first against the wall while Rufus was ramming into him was a first._

_And it was painful._

_“I’ll give you a reason to cry.” Rufus growled in his ear, shoving his hard cock into Cloud, who yelled out in pain, trying to pull away. Rufus had a tight grip on his hair, making sure Cloud stayed against the wall as he fucked his way into him, a pleased moan slipping out of his lips as he felt Cloud starting to bleed. He loved it. Loved making Cloud bleed and cry, loved hearing him beg to stop. It felt so good, being able to be as rough as he wanted with Cloud. He had calmed down a bit, after Cloud gave in. Because Cloud had been such a good boy. Always listened to him, never talked back nor fought back_

_“P...please!” Cloud yelled, legs shaking as they tried to give way, but Rufus held him up, thrusts getting rougher as he got closer to the edge. Hearing Cloud’s painful yells turned him on so much more._

_“Fuck,” Rufus grabbed onto Cloud’s hips, shoving his dick in hard, hold Cloud there as he released inside of him. The moment he let go of Cloud, he slid to the floor in a heap, crying as he held onto Rufus’ pant leg._

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Master please, don’t be mad.” Cloud sobbed, hugging Rufus’ leg, small whimpers of pain escaping his lips. He could feel the blood and cum sliding out of him dripping down his legs and onto the floor._

_“Sorry? Alright, show me how sorry you are.”_

_Cloud thought Rufus was going to make him sleep on the floor tonight._

_He didn’t think Rufus as going to throw him back in a cell and just leave him there._

_“Wait!” He yelled, launching himself at the cell door the moment Rufus shut it. “Please!” He sobbed, sliding down onto the floor, shaking the door as if it would open._

_“Don’t leave me here! Master! I’m sorry, please!” He yelled, tears streaming down his face in fear. He didn’t want to be left alone. Never again. Especially being left alone in this cold, dark cell._

_When Tseng made his way to see Rufus the next day, he was shocked that Cloud wasn’t in his usual spot on the couch._

_“I need you to go retrieve Cloud from his cell. Keep him amused while I’m at this meeting.”_

_“His cell?” What in the world was Cloud in a cell for? And for how long?_

_“Yes, he misbehaved last night. He’ll probably need a bath, too.” Tseng couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Cloud had been so well behaved since he gave in, what could he have possibly done to make Rufus get so angry?_

_“What did he do?”_

_“Called out Zack’s name in his sleep. He’d done it once before, and I let him be. This time I punished him for it.”_

_Tseng’s feet couldn’t carry him fast enough to Cloud’s cell. The poor guy was being punished for calling out someone’s name out in a dream? Rufus never ceased to amaze him._

_“Cloud?” Tseng called out, fumbling with the keys to Cloud’s cell, almost dropping the keys in the process._

_Cloud looked up from his spot in the corner of the room, as Tseng opened the door, making his way over to Cloud._

_“Tseng?” Cloud looked up at him, eyes still watery, dry tear stains on his cheeks. He looked like he hadn’t even slept, dark circles underneath his eyes._

_“Cloud, I’m here.” He said, kneeling down to Cloud’s level, and the younger man immediately launched himself into Tseng’s arms, crying into his chest._

_“I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I’ll be good, I promise. Don’t let him lock me in here again! I’ll be good, please!” Tseng couldn’t even move, Cloud clutching onto him too tightly._

_“I know, Cloud. I know you’re good. It’ll be okay.”_

_“No, no! I don’t want to be alone anymore, please! I’ll be good, don’t let master do this to me again, please!”_

_“No Cloud, I won’t. I’ll protect you. Now, why don’t we go take a bath?”_

_Tseng knew he was falling deep. Too deep, deeper than Reno had._

_Cloud laying against him in a warm bath made things arise in Tseng that he didn’t want to think about, because he knew he’d never be able to act on it. Not if he wanted Cloud to be happy again._

_“Tseng?” Cloud’s soft voice broke him from his thoughts._

_“Yes, what is it, Cloud?”_

_“You don’t hate me, right?”_

_“No, Cloud, I could never hate you.” But you have all the reason to hate me, if you only knew the truth._

* * *

“Cloud?” Biggs was the first one to walk in, the girls behind him. They had all meant to come in, wake Cloud up, and take him to breakfast, maybe walk around the slums a little, get him used to living outside of Rufus’ grasp.

“Where is he?” Tifa asked, shock present upon her face when she realized Cloud wasn’t in his bed. But a small sob caused everyone’s attention to move to the corner of the room, where Cloud sat huddled, hugging a pillow, rocking himself slowly.

“Oh, Cloud,” Aerith said softly, the trio walking over to him slowly. Cloud looked up at them, slowly reaching out and grasping at Biggs.

“I’m sorry,” He sobbed, shaking, like he was scared of something.

“Wha-Cloud, what are you sorry for?” Tifa asked.

“I’ll be good,” Cloud said, as Biggs lowered himself to Cloud’s level, running his fingers through the soft blond spikes as he tried to sooth him. “I…I won’t try to run. I…J…just don’t leave me alone, please.” His lower lip was quivering, his whole body shaking in fear.

“Cloud, no we didn’t-”

“I’m sorry! I…I’m so scared. I miss Master and I don’t want to be alone. Please, please don’t leave me alone…Please.” He begged, and Tifa felt her heart shatter. Watching Cloud utterly break down, over almost nothing was just too much to bear. Watching the way he desperately grabbed onto Biggs was heartbreaking. Unable to stand it anymore, she fled the room.

“Go check on her, I’ll stay with Cloud.” Biggs told Aerith, pulling Cloud into his arms, letting him sob it out, as he rubbed his back gently.

* * *

“Tifa? Aerith called out as she ascended the stairs. Tifa was behind sitting behind the bar, face in her hands, crying.

“I can’t stand seeing him like this. He’s so…broken. I didn’t expect him to be this bad. And I just…can’t understand why he thinks he loves Rufus, after everything that man did to him.”

“Tifa,” Aerith said, wrapping her arms around the other woman. “I know it’s hard. And I know it’s not something we can even begin to understand. But remember, Rufus broke him down, shattered his mind, and for so long, Rufus is the only person Cloud knew. Of course he’s going to say he loves him. He doesn’t know anything else. We just need to be patient with him, just like Reno said.”

“I just want Cloud back, like how he used to be.”

“I know, so do I, but he won’t be back, not if we keep acting like this. He was locked up for over four months, alone in a cold cell. I’m not surprised he’s so scared now. Maybe we should stay with him at night. Or one of us, at least?”

* * *

“I’ve come up with a plan, to trick Rufus, and maybe even stale him from going to the slums.”

“And what would that be?” Reno asked. They had gotten note that Rufus would be returning early, days before he had originally planned. It made them have to figure out a plan a lot sooner than expected.

“I’ll leave, and you can tell him that I took Cloud with me.”

“Uh, wait, hold up. Are you being serious?”

“Yes. Unless you can think of another way?”

“Why not let me go? Boss would think I’d be more likely to do something like this, anyway.”

“That’s one of the reasons it has to be me.”

“And the other reason?”

“The guilt. I can’t handle the guilt anymore, knowing everything Cloud has been through is all because of me.”

* * *

“It’s alright, Cloud, it’ll be okay.” Biggs had managed to bring Cloud to the bed, holding him in his arms, as he let Cloud sob into him. It was surreal, seeing Cloud like this. Such a difference from the tough yet caring man he knew. He knew Cloud had a soft side to him, knew from the way Cloud held onto him before he ‘died’. He knew Cloud cared about others, and that tough guy front wasn’t all him. But seeing his like this, so broken? It was almost too much.

“Don’t leave me! Please don’t leave me alone.”

“No, no Cloud, you’ll never be left alone again, I promise.”

* * *

“Where is he?” Rufus asked. Simple and silent, but with warning. Rufus was the angriest when he was calm.

The first thing he did when he got back, was go straight to his room, expecting Cloud to be there, in bed, waiting for him. But Cloud wasn’t there, no lingering scent of warmth even.

The next thing he did was search for Reno and Tseng. And he found Reno, nursing some injuries, in the hospital wing of ShinRa HQ.

“Tseng took him, a few hours ago,” Reno said softly, closing his eyes to sooth the pain underneath his eye. There was some nasty bruising already.

“And why didn’t you stop him?”

“You think I didn’t try?” Reno said, irritated. Rufus had to believe him; had to trust he was telling the truth. Otherwise, things wouldn’t go too well for any of them.

“It’s true,” Rude cut in from the doorway, and Reno blinked a few times in shock. “I saw them, fighting. I was the one who dragged his unconscious body here. I couldn’t tell you where Tseng went, because I didn’t follow him.” Rude explained, walking over slowly to the two.

“Perhaps I need to pay Midgar a little visit.”

* * *

Biggs didn’t mind, not really, having Cloud nuzzled up against him every night. If it calmed him down, it was a win in his head, and Cloud definitely seemed a little calmer. Didn’t try to escape or run, but Cloud did follow him and Aerith around like a baby chick. Cloud hated being away from them, and always had to be within eyesight of either one of them. Even when Cloud bathed, he begged Biggs to stay with him.

But Cloud also seemed comforted by him and Aerith. Let them run their hands through his hair, hold his hand, it seemed to sooth him a lot, and while Cloud wasn’t exactly getting better, he seemed to be calm and content.

Until they got the call.

Reno had called them, one afternoon, three days in, to say that Rufus was returning home early, and would most likely show up, demanding to know where Cloud was. He told them, also, of Tseng’s plan to leave, and say he took Cloud with him.

So the next morning, they waited, expecting Rufus to show up.

And show up he did, knocking down the door of Seventh Heaven, Reno and Rude right behind him.

“You fucking piece of shit!” Barret yelled, gun loaded and aimed directly at Rufus. “Where the fuck is he? You think you can just show your face here, and think you can just leave without bring Cloud back, huh!?”

“I think you’re the ones who should be telling me where Cloud is.” Rufus said, completely (not scared?) by Barret, Tifa and Aerith being ready to attack.

“What are you talking about?” Aerith asked, not faulting in her fighting stance.

“Cloud is here, correct? There’s no where else Tseng could go.”

“What are you talking about?” Tifa asked, sounding concerned.

“Allow me to search the place, if you’re so convinced that he isn’t here.”

* * *

Cloud knew. He could hear Rufus from the other side of the doorway.

“Master?” He gasped. Of course. This is why he was down here right now, because they all wanted to keep him away. He knew Barret and Tifa would. But Aerith? He trusted her, and now she was betraying him like this.

“Cloud, come on, come sit with me.” Biggs was down there too, with him. Cloud had gotten tired, overwhelmed walking around Sector Seven. Too many people greeting him and smiling. It made his head spin.

“M…Master is here? He’s here for me, right? I…I can go home.”

“Cloud,” Biggs began. He really didn’t want to sedate him. Not when Cloud trusted him.

“I…I want to go see him.” Cloud placed his hand on the doorknob, turning it.

It was locked.

“You locked it…”

“Cloud, please-”

“You said you wouldn’t keep me in here anymore. You wouldn’t lock me up…”

“Cloud, it’s alright.” Cloud froze, feeling the other man hold him from behind, pulling him close.

“I just…want to see master again.” Suddenly Cloud felt sleepy, barely noticing something pricking him in the neck, falling back into Biggs’ arms.

* * *

Rufus left Seventh Heaven a mess. He had Rude and Reno search the entire place and found nothing. Cloud truly wasn’t there.

But Rufus knew something was off, they were hiding something.

And he’d find out, eventually.

* * *

“Zack! What are you doing up here? Cloud could wake up any minute, you need to hide.” All Aerith wanted to do was protect Cloud from more pain, and seeing Zack at this moment, was his mind was still so fragile, would bring him a lot of pain.

“I know, I know. I’m going. I was just getting something to eat.” Zack sighed, standing up, chair scrapping against the floor. Aerith and Zack heard a small whimper from the doorway, and turned their heads to meet Cloud’s shocked, blue eyes.

“Z…Zack?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cloud. Nothing seems to be going well for him, huh? And you'll finally get to see his reunion with Zack in the next chapter! How do you think it'll go?


End file.
